A/N: Seems that all I can write is dark stuff, poetry wise, lately. Sorry, guys. I need somewhere to vent. This one isn’t quite as dark as “Thoughts of a Dying Teen,” though you could say this one was much more personal.
Please God, why do they hurt me?
Their words are sharper
Than the nails that I dig into my palms.
Nothing takes away the imagined guilt
That they lay on me.
Nothing soothes the frustration rolling around inside me
I’ve lost interest in things I once loved.
Just writing this is so hard
I put this down, word after word.
But their voices tell me I’ll never live my dreams
So what’s the point in living if I won’t?
I don’t want their dreams.
I want mine.
I love them. I do.
I know they love me too.
But they really don’t understand.
And they won’t believe me.
I’m not a bad person.
I try to be good, and smile, and play nice for them.
But nothing seems to work.
There really is no pleasing them.
I’m so sick of it!
I can’t handle it!
I know it gets better.
I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to hurt myself.
But I want to cut my heart out.
I DON’T WANT TO FEEL ANYMORE!
I don’t want that guilt they want me to feel.
I’m tired of arguing with them.
They aren’t listening!
I push down what really want to say.
I take their verbal knife thrusts and bullet holes.
But one of these days,
Look out,
’Cause I’m not taking it anymore.
