Have Me Instead

Chapter 8

(Chapter 8: Have Me Instead)
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"S-so...how are you feeling, Tanjirou?" Zenitsu sat ways away from the younger male, his body tense as his face and ears burned a vibrant red. He stared down at his lap, watching his fingers twiddle around each other while giving the burgandy-haired male the occasional glance every now and then, too ashamed in himself to look him in the eye.

"I'm feeling fine! My head hurts a bit but other than that, I'm doing great. How are you feeling, Zenitsu?" He smiled.

And fuck, Zenitsu was not ready.

To say that he was nervous was an understatement. The anxiety of saying, or worse, doing anything that could upset Tanjirou ate at him from the back of his mind. He didn't think he would see the younger so soon...he didn't think he'd see him at all.

The sounds of his crying rang through his ears constantly, disturbing his dreams and plaguing them with different scenarios where he'd hurt the younger. And the possibility of those dreams coming true scared him. So while part of him was happy to see him again, the other part of him wanted nothing more than to fall off a cliff or lock himself in a room far away from Tanjirou.

But that would be difficult.

Zenitsu wanted nothing more than to simply hold Tanjirou, maybe even recieve a kiss on the cheek.

But how could he?

There was no way Tanjirou could still harbor feelings for him. Not after everything. He'd lost control of himself, pushing his limits to the absolute fullest while completely forgetting the rules they'd set up.

Zenitsu lost his chance. Or did he ever really have one? Either way, Zenitsu still didn't want to lose the gentle teen, so the least he could do was attempt to fix the faults in their friendship. And if Tanjirou wanted nothing to do with him, then so be it.

He was going to see Tanjirou.

He was going to hear him for the first time in months.

He'd be sleeping in the same room, maybe even talk..! If, Tanjirou didn't hate him for what happened between them.

That was what Zenitsu thought anyway.

But that immediately vanished when he saw Tanjirou's smile. Not a single shred of disgust or hatred towards him was shown or heard.

He heard no fear, and he heard no malice. All there was was the gentle beat of his heart that skipped every so often with content.

Tanjirou was happy to see him.

Tanjirou didn't hate him.

Tanjirou wasn't disgusted or scared or sad.

Maybe Zenitsu did still have a chance.

Eventually, Zenitsu came back to his senses as soon as he'd heard the youngers soft voice call out to him. God, he missed it so much.

"A-ah, sorry. I feel fine too..I guess.."

"You guess?" Tanjirou chuckled and Zenitsu felt as if his heart was going to burst.

'Tanjirou you're going to kill me if you keep this up,' he thought as an awkward laugh left him.

"U-uh...yes? I don't really know how I feel..." he hears shuffling from across the room along with a soft hum coming from the taller teen. Both growing silent for a short moment before one spoke.

"I understand. I-- That...that was how I felt about you..." Alarmed, Zenitsu picked his head up and looked towards Tanjirou, biting his lip as he came in contact with his ruby-like eyes, the first thing he noted being the overwhelming amount of emotion that swam around. Love, sadness, joy and another that Zenitsu knew all too well, jealousy, but that disappeared as quick as it appeared.

"...excuse me?"

No way..

"You know...I still like you,"

It had to be a dream.

"It took a bit of time for me to figure out whether what I was feeling was truly love or if it was because I was just confused," Tanjirou paused for a second, tilting his head to.one side as he smiled off into the distance,"But now I'm know what it is I'm feeling,"

He got up slowly, carefully sitting beside Zenitsu and grabbing his hand, putting it over his heart. His hands wrapped firmly around Zenitsu's.

"I love you, Zenitsu. And when I heard that you were here, I was happy and maybe a little nervous, but that's besides the point...I don't want to lose you and I don't want my feelings to be the reason why I do. So if you don't feel the same way, I'll support you in every way I can as a friend,"

Friend?

Zenitsu didn't want that. He wanted Tanjirou as more than that. He wanted him as his soulmate and as his lover.

God, he was so selfish.

"But..what if I don't want you as a friend," It was as if he stuck in s trance. Maybe it was because of how vulnerable Tanjirou appeared and how he looked at him with a gentle smile and loving eyes. Maybe it was how he held his hand in his, slightly leaning forward against his shoulder as he lightly pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

All he knew was that all he could hear, see, and feel, was Tanjirou.

"That depends on what you mean,"

Zenitsu was hesitant with his movements before cupping the right side of Tanjirou's cheek, gently caressing it before wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. His calloused hands playing with the long strands of hair that framed Tanjirou's face, quietly breathing in his scent as he tightened his grip around him.

"I want you as more than a friend, Tanjirou..."

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I hope you enjoy! This is currently unedited seeing as I wanted to speed things up a bit so I can write some fluff and stuff. But constructive criticism is allowed, not hate!  I love you all, please stay safe, whether it be from other people or the coronavirus, I wish you all good health ❤.