Story of My Life

Echoes of Silence

“Why don’t you understand me?” he said, locking the door, “I want to keep you!”

I started crying loudly this time. He sat down on the floor beside me and started stroking my hair off my face. I pushed him away but he forced himself on me. He picked me up and dropped me on his bed. He started undressing me. I couldn’t help it, I was helpless. The walls were soundproof; no one could hear my screams so there was no use screaming. I just went with the flow. When he kissed, I kissed him back. I tried to enjoy myself but the thought of my parents and friends and the fact that I could never meet them again clouded in my mind. I don’t want to describe much on what happened during those two hours. We were making love, changing positions, resting and making love again.

When he finally stopped, he looked into my eyes and I felt he wanted to say something. Eventually, he broke the silence.

“You’re my first.” he said, “I’ve never fucked without a condom before.”

“So you’re trying to comfort me by saying that I stole your virginity or something?” I said, my voice broken.

“I’m just telling you.”

“Does it help, anyway?” I ask, a little boldly. “I’m helpless.”

“Why do you keep acting like I’m some criminal who broke out of prison and kidnapped you for ransom?”

“Technically you did.”

“Oh, stop using that word. ‘Technically’ this. ‘Technically’ that.” he said sarcastically, “Be more practical, you know.”

“Practical? Huh.” I said, “Is it so practical? Practical fucking a fifteen year old?”

He didn’t reply. He stood up, walked over to the window and took out a cigar. He started smoking after lighting it.

“Mr. Practical.” I said, “What’s up with you exactly? What are you going to do with me once you’re satisfied?”

“Leave you? I’ll sell you if you want me to. I can even settle you down in a condo in Shinjuku and send you money for your daily needs.” he said, “I can even pass you onto my friends, like you said.”

“A more serious answer would be helpful.”

“Probably the third one.”

“I don’t want your money.”

“What do you want, then?”

“I’ll let you know.”

The day passed. He watched movies and I pretended to watch them too while the entire time, I was just staring at him. He was masculine, his eyes dark, his lips so kissable and his hair was still crabby. We slept after dinner. We were too tired to have sex. Besides, he had me for a long time. I slowly grew afraid of him letting me go. I didn’t know what was waiting for me outside.