It's All In Your Head (Jalex)

11- If I Ever Meet Someone As Crazy As You Again, I Will Kill Them

*two months later* 

It was Jack and my anniversary. Our two month. In celebration for two months together, I was hoping to show him the cake that I baked. And he could eat it too of course. I also wrote a few songs acoustically that I wanted to play for him. It was all set up. He knocked on the door. 

I opened it instantly. "Happy two month, babe! " I said cheerfully as I kissed him on the lips. He kissed back, but broke it quickly. There was a serious look on his face. 

"Alex, we have to talk. " He sighed and looked around. 

"Do you want to come in and talk?" What on Earth did he want to talk about?

"Not really. You probably won't want me around after this kind of talk."

"What's the matter?"

"I don't feel anything for you anymore," He said, looking afraid of what I might say. 

"Oh," I said, trying my best to hide my shock. I didn't know if I was angry or devastated. 

"So I was thinking that we maybe break things off?" Jack looked really scared of me now. 

"But-" I hesitated. "But what about all of those things that you said? All the things that you've done?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know." He sighed. "I doubt that we should even still be friends. I mean, you probably hate me now."

"Stop putting words into my fucking mouth!" I snapped. 

"So you're not going to leave the band?"

"No! Because I'm still friends with Zack and Rian! At least they don't trick me into falling in love with them, only to end up leaving me and wanting nothing to do with me!"

"No, no. Alex, you can't have fallen in love."

"It's a little late for that, isn't it?" I was fighting tears. "Just go." 

Jack turned on his heel, and he began walking away. When he was about to cross the street, he looked back at me. I slammed the door shut and slid down the door all of the way to the floor. The voices in my head came on louder than ever. You're not enough. Everyone leaves you. He didn't ever like you. Why are you crying? You aren't worthy of tears. He probably wants you dead. It'd be better that way.  

I crawled up to my room and laid face down on my bed. I cried for a very long time, sometimes launching into hysteria. I kept hearing noises and hallucinating, and I felt absolutely hopeless. My mum came home around five and found me in my room. I sat up and cried into her helplessly as soon as she sat down on the bed. 

"What happened? What's wrong?" She asked, worried.

"Jack..." I gasped. "He broke up with me." 

"In a dream?"

"In real life." 

She hugged me tightly. "It's going to be okay. You'll make it through this."

"It hurts so much," I whined. 

"I know, Alex. I know."  

I didn't leave my bed for the entire weekend. I was attacked constantly by my fears and anxiety, and especially by my low self-esteem. I made no effort to wake up for school. No one would miss me much anyway.

Jack POV:
I am a liar. I have my reasons though. 

I was walking to school, and wasn't surprised to see that Alex wasn't there. He probably didn't wait for me when I was late today. I don't blame him. I had hurt him after all. 

But it wasn't until when he still wasn't at lunch or in any of his classes that I started to worry. "Have you guys seen Alex?" I asked everyone at the lunch table. 

Zack shrugged. "Maybe he's sick or something."

"The last thing I remember him saying was something about a nightmare," Kellin recalled.

"But he has those all of the time. They never stopped him from showing up before,"  I noted anxiously.

"Yeah, but not like this. He said that he drove a knife through his back, but it wasn't enough to kill him. And when he woke up, in the dream, he was in the hospital and you were there crying about it or something. He doesn't usually, you know, not die in his dreams. Usually it works."

That's when it hit me. He'd said that he'd had prophesy dreams in the past. I stood up. "Alex! Don't do it! This is all my fault!" I ran out of the school and down the street, shouting his name and apologies. I heard sirens, and it was then that I started losing hope. I was too late. But they couldn't be at his house. No, they wouldn't be. 

But they were. "ALEX!" I screamed. The paramedics closed the doors of the ambulance, and I swear the I must've chased it for three miles before I finally fell to the ground. There was no way that I was going to make it there in time to say goodbye. To tell him the truth. To tell him that I was scared. 

After a few seconds of catching my breath, I started sprinting again. I would not give up. Eventually, I found the hospital. I went up to the desk, now a sweaty mess. I gasped desperately and breathed the name almost inaudibly. "Alexander Gaskarth."

"He was just admitted. Please wait-"

"I can't wait! This is life or death! These could be the last moments I ever get to see him!" People were staring at me now. 

"Sir, I think that you need to relax yourself."

"I will not! Let me see him right now, or so help me God-" I breathed. She was right, I needed to relax. 

"Hold out your wrist," she said.  I did, and she put one of those bands that you get when you visit the hospital around my wrist. "You may go and see him as soon as we allow for you to." 

I was sitting around and worrying for the next half an hour, and then I was let back to see Alex. As soon as I entered his room I felt dizzy. There were tears in my eyes as I sat next to him. "Alex? I know you're mad at me, but I'm a liar," I began. "You probably can't hear me, but I need to say this before you go. I do like you, a lot. Maybe too much. I was scared of my feelings. I'd never felt that way before, for anyone. So I broke it off before I could screw up and lose you. But I realize now that I may have really screwed up, and I am actually going to lose you. I know that you'll never take me back. I know that you'll never forgive me. But please, Alex. Don't go from this world. It's not your time yet."