It's All In Your Head (Jalex)

12- There's So Much Left To Do; You'll Be Missing Out, And We'll Be Missing You

Alex's mom entered soon after I confessed all of these things. She glared at me darkly. "What are you doing here? " She demanded. 

"I really, really, really screwed up, " I said, fighting tears. Or was I crying? I can't tell. 

"Well, I can see that. " 

I looked back at Alex and couldn't hold back my emotions anymore. I was so good at, but seeing him like this just made me transparent. I put my face in my hands and cried silently. I could feel his mom watching me as she sat down in the chair next to me. I wanted to just pretend like I was going to wake up soon to the sound of my alarm clock. I wanted to believe that this was all some really cruel trick that Alex was playing on me because I left him. But every time I glanced over at his practically lifeless body, I lost more and more hope. Is this what it feels like to love?

I must've been sitting there for hours, with my knees to my chest and my hands over my eyes. The heart monitor was currently serving as my lifeline. As long as that things still made noise, I was okay. I heard a noise coming from Alex's general direction. I perked up immediately and looked at him expectantly. 

He coughed aggressively while he opened his eyes. When he saw me, his expression hardened. "You? Why did you come here?" He whispered groggily. 

"Because I love you," I said. His mom wasn't in the room at the moment.

"Then why did you leave me?"

"Because I was scared of my feelings. I've never actually been in love with someone before. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just ran away to keep from screwing up and losing you. That was the biggest mistake that I ever made."

Alex shook his head. "You could never screw up that badly." He looked around. "Am I dying yet?"

"Please don't leave."

"I can't go on like this, Jack. You have to understand what it feels like to not be able to sleep or think." 

"But there's so much left to do. There are so many things that you haven't done yet. You'll be missing out. I'll miss you so much."

"You don't even want to be my friend anymore, Jack. What are you talking about?"

I gave up, and the walls that had been holding me up this entire time came crashing down. Hysteria took control, and I completely broke down. "I......ran........five.......miles.......and......yelled......at......seventeen............nurses.........don't.........tell.......me.........that.........this......is........goodbye!" I screamed through desperate gasps.

 Alex watched me curiously. "You're really that scared, aren't you?"

I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't talk anymore, so I only nodded vigorously. He moved over on his hospital bed and pulled on my arm. "Come here." I sat next to him, and leaned into his shoulder. He put his arm around me. "Does this mean that we're together again?" Alex asked.

I tried to answer, but the only sound that escaped my lips was a whimper. Alex seemed to understand. "You can think about it later, okay? Just try to relax a little bit. I'd put a movie in or something, but it seems like we're in a hospital right now."

Alex POV:

Jack seemed to be in worse shape than me, and I'm sitting here with stitches in my back. So I was trying my best to reassure him. Seeing him like this made me afraid of death. What if it had actually worked and I had died? Would he have ever told me the truth about his feelings? Maybe he'd have told my gravestone. 

The door opened, but Jack wasn't paying attention. He was also probably crying so loudly that he didn't hear it. My mum entered, and she eyed us with confusion. I shook my head, and I lifted my hand slightly to tell her to leave. I didn't want her to see him like this. She seemed to get the message, and left the room. 

Jack was slowly growing calmer and calmer. I don't think that I've ever seen him cry in real life, but I think I know why. He doesn't want to scare me by showing how he really feels. Classic technique. The worst part is probably that he's so ridiculously good at it that people think he's stoic. 

Eventually, a doctor entered the room to check on me, but Jack had fallen asleep on me. He must've exhausted himself. I didn't want to wake him up, so I just made the doctor work around him. Let me tell you, that one did not go over particularly well. 

Visiting hours were ending soon, so Jack would have to leave. I shook him awake, and he looked at me. "I don't want to leave and come back here tomorrow. I need to make sure that you're okay."

I ran my fingers through his hair. "I won't do anything stupid on you. I promise. I'm going to be just fine." 

Jack thought for a moment. "Can I see your notebook? The one with all of those lyrics in it?" 

I pointed to my clothes. "In my pocket is the key to my house. It's in my room, right next to the guitar. Don't you dare touch anything else, got it? " 

"Which room is yours? " 

"The one with all the posters of bands on the walls. The smallest room. The one that's not a suite. Second floor. Can't miss it. "

Jack nodded. He got the key and squeezed it for a moment. He walked back over to me and hugged me tightly. "Please come home. "

"I promise you that I'll come home." I linked our pinkies. "I pinky swear that I'll come home. " 

"I'll be here as soon as visiting hours begin. " 

"What about school? " 

"Are you kidding? I'd just worry about you the whole entire day. " He shook his head. "I'm not missing a moment. I have to fix what I've done. " 

I smiled at him as he pulled away and walked out the door, looking at me the whole time. He really was sorry, and I think that I forgave him. 

Thank god my suicide was just an attempt.