BITTER - Michael Gray.

FORTY THREE

♛

The warm fire in Polly's front room combined with the whiskey she was downing had sent Olivia into a deep nap on Polly's sofa. It wasn't a very elegant position she was lying in, nor was she looking her best, but she felt at home and that was all she cared about. She should've gone to bed hours earlier, but she just wanted to absorb every waking moment of being back where she belonged.

As soon as she arrived at Polly's, Olivia dialled up Tommy. He gave her the warmest of welcomes, but told her to rest up and get some sleep before coming and seeing him. Ada practically lost her mind when she heard Olivia was back. Even her oldest and dearest friend Millie couldn't contain her excitement, but told her to wait until tomorrow before meeting so that Olivia could sleep. Finn however, being young and irresponsible, had not followed this advice. He had driven up all the way to Polly's tudor style home that was in the middle of nowhere just so he could give her a hug.

"You're an idiot Finn." Polly sighed disapprovingly as Finn shimmied his coat off in her porch after she had let him in.

"I know Pol, I just really wanted to see her." He explained.

"Well keep it down, I've just got Ellis off to sleep."

Finn tiptoed into the living room to find Olivia passed out, hair splashed wildly on the pillows and dribbling.

"The fuckin' state of her." Finn scoffed. "I've missed her so much."

"Get that whiskey glass out her hand before she spills it on the carpet." Polly instructed.

As Finn tried to expertly retrieve the glass, Olivia was jolted awake.

"Jesus Christ." She muttered, rubbing her eyes furiously.

"Yeah, nice to see you too." Finn tutted teasingly.

Liv threw her arms around his shoulders and squeezed the living daylights out of him.

"You stupid bastard, I've missed you so bloody much." Olivia squealed.

"Still as fit as ever." Finn mused as he pulled away and held her by the shoulders.

"Dick." She smacked his arm before kissing him on the cheek.

"Finn, do you want a drink?" Polly asked politely.

"I'm alright thanks, come and sit down Pol." He instructed.

Finn took up his seat next to Olivia whilst Polly relaxed into the sofa opposite them.

"I noticed something when I put Ellis to bed." Polly announced quietly.

"What? What's wrong, is he okay?" Olivia began to panic.

"Nothing bad! God, you truly are a mother aren't you." Polly chuckled. "No, I was trying to work out who he looks like more and I couldn't decide until it hit me. He doesn't look like either of you, he looks like your brother."

"Don't say that." Olivia felt as if she'd been hit in the stomach. Her head dropped onto Finn's shoulder. "I wanted to call him Samuel and all."

"Why didn't you?" Finn asked gently.

"For that reason, in case he ended up looking like Sam. I didn't want him to have to carry the burden around. What if I couldn't love him properly, like my mum and me? All those sorts of things."

"Oh Liv, too much goes on in that head of yours doesn't it?" Finn wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

"It hurt you know, showing him all the pictures of the Shelby family and teaching him all your names. I can't do that with my family. That's why I was so determined he knew who you all were before we even got here." Olivia held in her tears, she was beginning to get tired of crying.

"What happened between you and Michael? Where did it all go tits up?" Polly asked.

"I want to be petty and say it's all down to Gina, but you can't tango alone. Michael and I are so bizarre, we can't function together but we can't be without each other. He'll tell me he hates me, and then half an hour later he's got me going down on him."

"Liv!" Finn exclaimed.

"Oh what? Like you've never had a blowie." She smacked him in the chest and giggled.

"Can we move on from you giving sexual favours to my son?" Polly teased.

"You know, he's married now. That was supposed to be me telling him I do, but nothing in the world makes me feel more sick than that thought does." She continued. "He gives me these looks. Usually after he's given Gina a kiss, he'll just look at me and I don't know why."

"I do that when I make girls jealous, maybe it's that?" Finn proposed innocently.

"Yeah, alright mister womanizer." Polly and Olivia broke into laughter.

"Oh sod the lot of you, I've got a girl that wants to marry me you know."

"Really? Love truly is blind and deaf ain't that right Pol?" Olivia joked.

"And stupid." Polly added.

The trio fell into silence, but it was in no way uncomfortable. Olivia stared off distantly into the orange flames of the fire and watched them dance up the chimney. Finn was watching her do so, whilst Polly eyed up the photographs on the mantelpiece.

"He missed Ellis's birth." Olivia broke the silence with her bombshell.

"He did what?" Polly asked in disbelief.

"I asked him to be there when I went into labour as he was the only person I knew in the whole country and he promised he would. Then when I did, I couldn't get hold of him at all and so I did it all alone."

"Where was he, did you ever find out?" Finn jumped in.

"'Out'." Olivia made inverted commas with her fingers. "That's what he told me. But when we got home with the baby, I found a cigarette lighter I'd never seen before in his jacket pocket. Found out a few months later it was Gina's."

"I'll kill him." Finn told her without a hint of hesitation.

"Don't." Olivia shot out of her seat, knowing Finn wasn't joking. "Please, I love him and he doesn't deserve that."

"You love him, still?" Polly asked, absolute shock taking over.

"Still. I can't just fucking turn it off you know. His hand touches mine when I hand him Ellis and I feel like a teenage girl all over again. But at the same time, I want to strangle him."

"He cheated on you when you were giving birth Olivia."

"He didn't cheat physically. He did much worse, he cheated emotionally." She sighed.

"And you still love him?"

"As much as I did when he kissed me in the back room of a church with Charlie watching."

♛

a/n: have a double update bc i felt bad for not updating for so long x