Applerose

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This OC belongs to mintpelt1.

Name- AppleRose 
I like it. An unusual name. 5/5 because it is both original and it flows well.

Name reason: apple: she's based off my cat but I guess because of her fur
Okay. An imaginative way to describe her fur.
Rose: because she can be sweet but can also be mean.
So, her personality. Like, roses smell sweet but they have sharp thorns. I just googled calico cat and it mentioned that they are often like this.
5/5.

Age- 33 moons
A nice young-ish age.

Gender- female 
Good.

Main colour: black, orange, and white calico.
Okay, a calico. I like calico cats. They look nice.

Appearance: a small, Black she-cat with orange spots, a white tipped tail,white paws, and a white underbelly and muzzle. She has bright, amber eyes.
Cute.

Size- small
Okay.

Rank- warrior 
Warriors are good. They get to do the most stuff. I prefer medicine cats, but it doesn't really matter.

Clan- Lightningclan. The only rule that is different is medicine cats can have kits/mates.
Okay, that is a fair rule, although not being allowed to makes sense as well.

Personally- Motherly, kind, friendly, but can be overprotective of her kits, she doesn't like to fight but will if she needs to, has a soft spot for kits, she can be a tough mother if it's for her kits safety, can be playful, smart an caring.
She has quite a realistic personality.

Backstory- applekit was born four moons after the new leader of the clan got his nine lives so applekit, her sisters and her brother were the first kits in the Clan
Do you mean under that leader?
until they were 1 moon old Thunderpelt had her kits, Stormkit, flowerkit, squirrelkit, and Sunkit. They were all friends but stormkit was hard to get along with. But after applekit was two moons old Moonkit got sick and Died
What did Moonkit get sick with?
two days after that Nightkit went missing in the middle of the night never to be seen again. This hit applekit and lionkit hard and they never fully recovered from this.
Makes sense.
Nothing really happened until applekit became an apprentice and got Lightningstar as her mentor finally her life was getting better.
Yay! That's what I wanted!
But it was only getting worse. First her dad got hit by and monster then her mom got killed by a fox.
Both parents being dead is a little cliché. Unless they're an elder or quite old, in which case it makes sense.
At this time she relied heavily upon jer friends who were now apprentices and brother. But soon there was a big flood and all of the clans had to move into lillyclan camp when that happened Stormpaw fell in love with a LilyClan she-cat named Skypaw.
Bit sudden...
When they were in lilyclan camp a Lightningclan queen named Whiskerfrost had two kits named Spottedkit and Brookkit.
And after that? Or is that all?

The backstory is okay, but could use some more fleshing out. As I've said, both parents being dead is quite cliché as well.

Form parts filled in (this is a new thing):

Name: ✓

Name reason: ✓

Age: ✓

Gender: ✓

Main colour, colours or pattern: ✓

Detailed appearance: ✓

Rank: ✓

Clan: ✓

Family: X

Personality: ✓

Backstory: ✓

Other: ✓/ X

The good points ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
• Name and reason
• Age
• Appearance

The bad points …ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ
• Backstory needs fleshing out
• Dead parents

How to improve くコ:彡
• Flesh out the backstory a bit
• Explain what Moonkit was sick with
• Consider her parents not having both died, or have one of them dead from old age.
• Maybe make Stormpaw have fallen in love a bit more slowly.

• Maybe make Stormpaw have fallen in love a bit more slowly

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Here is a cute calico cat.

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