A Beautiful Confusion

Chapter 18. Awe

It's the last week of the term and this is usually the time I stay at home because there is nothing to do at school but I couldn't stay because this is the best time to spend time with Iris.

I got to school and found out that the first four periods are all free periods!! Well, they were gonna be free periods because teachers allow us to do what we want in class at the end of the term, but the first four periods are free because the teachers are absent, which means I can chill with Iris at the field with zero disturbances. None of my friends, none of her friends, no annoying teachers to keep saying "keep quiet" and no pestering "little brothers".
Just Iris and I.

The bell rang and I was so excited to talk and laugh with Iris. I got to class greeted everyone and decided to chill with the gents during registration and start talking to Iris at the end of registration. Once the bell had rang for the end of registration I caught up with Iris and we made our way to the field together.
  And just like I wanted we found a little spot away from everyone where we could just enjoy each other's company.

We sat down and I was just staring at her. Iris is just. . .so beautiful, I can not just leave the fact that she is gorgeous. She really and truly is, the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. She is breath taking.

"What?" Iris asks.
"Your just beautiful." I say.
"Wow, of course you would say that." She laughs.
"No, I'm being serious." I smile.
She looks away and for a moment there is silence.
"Are you really okay, I noticed your on and off limp." Iris ends the silence.
"To be honest. . . physically I will be all right, I'm Captain Africa." We laugh. "But mentally and emotionally I don't think I'm alright." I continue.
"How so?"
"It brought back old memories and feelings, at the moment whe— when I was being beaten, I felt defenceless and it took me back to the days when I used to be bullied, memories I suppressed for so long I even forgot. I was and kinda still am very prideful, so they constantly made me feel worthless. So when I was beaten I felt all those feelings rush back and to make things worse...I looked into my friends eyes as they watched be get beaten and I know I'm not supposed to encourage violence but... they could have done something to help I could have died! And that moment plays in my head constantly and I also can't help but think about how if I had died I would have died and accomplished nothing."

I felt a tear trying to get out but I managed to hold it back.

Iris put her hand on my shoulder "I understand how you feel and you don't have to feel guilty for feeling this way." As Iris spoke a ball rolled beside me.
"Eh dawg pass the ball!" A kid shouted from the field.
"I'll do it." Iris says but before she stood I lifted my hand in front of her.
"No I'll do it." I stood up slowly, positioned my body and kicked the ball. I am so happy I didn't fall.

"You know you can still do something about the not accomplishing nothing thing and accomplishments in life are more than accolades" She said as I sat down. "Life is short, how do you know you won't die in an hour? If you died what would you be remembered for? What legacy will you have left? What would you say to the ghost of your potential skills and talents that you never fully used? Instead of thinking of how you have accomplished nothing maybe you should think of what you can accomplish and use your full potential. All your skills and talents have a purpose for their existence. Live as if your going to die tomorrow, learn as if your going to live forever."

Whoa.
Where did that come from?

I was completely speechless, I was staring at her in awe of what just happened.

Wow.

"Did you just make that up as you spoke?" I say still processing what she said.
"Kinda, but that last sentence was Ghundi." She laughs in response.
There was a pause.
"Your staring at me again, don't tell me I'm beautiful." She smiles.
"No it's not that, I mean your are beautiful but. . . you just never cease to amaze me." I reply and stare intently into her eyes.

***

I laid on my bed and I just couldn't get my head away from what Iris said. That was amazing.
I need to be more serious with my studies.