Toxic [2gether]

Part 26

Tine was blearily looking down his cup of coffee, the heavy, aromatic scent of roast filled his senses and muddled his brain. It was his fifth one but Tine was still not feeling energized enough to deal with his responsibilities at work. He exhaled and took a guilty gulp full of the acidic, black beverage. The fair skinned man had been fleeing his duties by taking recurrent turns to refill his coffee in the pantry nook on his department floor. It was maybe unprofessional to let his private issues interfere with his work but Tine could not help it, he was only human. He squeezed his round eyes shut and rubbed at his temple with one trembling hand, feeling the hot liquid burn down his throat.

The air had been so stifled back at Sarawat's place, even Phukong had noticed the tension and had slunk away to the guest room, away from them. Shit. Tine had fucked up so bad. Sarawat had looked so stiff, even more so than his usual stoicism, barely touching Tine when they went to bed. Tine had certainly felt like he was being punished for being so blind for all these years and feeling lonely with Sarawat sleeping mere inches away from him. He was close, Tine could have reached out a hand and grasped the other man's tanned limb tauntingly laid out on the white blanket between them but frustratingly enough he felt so far away, submerged in his own headspace.

Tine had not been able to sleep a wink that night, tossing and turning under the blanket, their conversation running on repeat in his head, trying to puzzle together all the pieces that were gradually being revealed. Sarawat was such an enigma, so much fire and passion hidden behind the indifferent appearance. How was it possible for one person to love Tine for such a long time? What was there even to like? Tine was overeager, stubborn and easily flushed, a fool that kept getting swayed each time someone confessed to him.

Tine was faltering because he truly wanted to be honest, to make sure that his own feelings were real and not just a mirrored excitement of what Sarawat was radiating at him. He felt bad, appalled with himself even, for dragging this out but it would be even worse if he ended up disappointing both of them. Many of Tine's relationships ended because he often times got easily swayed and swept away with the current of someone liking him, not paying attention to his own feelings. It was different with Sarawat, he was too important for him to screw this up. Tine wanted to tell him that he loved him without any second thoughts, naturally and easy. Could someone really blame him for that? Maybe he could have been able to tell Sarawat what he yearned for so much quicker if this whole situation had not blown up like this, putting them under heavy scrutiny. It made Tine doubt whether his love was grand and noble enough for Sarawat. He had already failed him in many ways and they had just started dating. Maybe he should just keep quiet and let Sarawat move on? Tine's bottom lip trembled slightly.

No. He did not want that.

Someone tapped him suddenly on the shoulder and Tine jerked slightly, turning around, big eyes blinking rapidly at finding Mil's female colleague smiling straight at him.

"Hi," she said, holding an empty cup of coffee in her slim hands, obviously there for a refill as well. "Good thing that I ran into you," she chippered. "Mil is out sick today but do you still want to go out to lunch as usual?" She asked, the lipstick on her lips shimmering.

"Uh," Tine blinked, minutely looking down at his coffee and then back up again, feeling a little off kilter being pulled out of his deep thoughts like that. "Sure," he replied a little sluggishly, rubbing at his temple again. What was her name again? Pharn? Pear? He winched mentally, trying to remember. Oh, it was Plern!

"Ow, is that the same suit as yesterday?" Plern asked curiously suddenly, her gaze raking over Tine's tall frame, from the long legs to the wide shoulders, making him fidget slightly from being at the receiving end of such avid attention.