The Space Between

Chapter Five: "I'm Already There"

Sean arched up off the mattress as Mark's hands moved from the sides of his face down along his sides. Mark pried his lips from his to drift them across his cheek to his neck. Sean inhaled deeply, feeling tears come to his eyes as he stared up at the ceiling. His body quivered from his desperate need to contain himself. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Lifting a leg, he hooked it around Mark's waist and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. He needed Mark to stay close to him. He couldn't let him see him starting to lose his control. Burying his face in Mark's neck, he bite his lip so hard that his teeth broke the skin. The tears were blurring his eyes and he couldn't hold them back. He hated himself for still having tears to shed. Mark kissed his neck, purring out to him lovingly. "Sean... It's ok." Sean shifted under Mark to lean over the side, straining out in a forced jagged voice. "It's not what you think... I got something in my eye and can't get the fucking thing out..." Pinching the bridge of his nose, he wiped his eyes and tried to avoid looking at Mark.

How could his body do this to him? He needed to be strong and his body was betraying him. Mark snuggled up behind him, his hand sliding down his arm as he kissed his shoulder. Against his neck, Mark whispered to him lovingly. "Sean, look at me." Sean shook his head, his voice breaking as he said. "I can't... Just give me a minute. Please... I'm ok." Mark's hand curled around to his hold his chest, telling him in a strong loving voice. "Now who's lying." Sean covered his face with his hands and began to cry. He couldn't hold it back anymore. His whole body shook as he tried to keep himself quiet. He tried to pull away to run to the bathroom, but Mark's arm tightened to keep him from escaping. Holding him against him, Mark calmly told in a strong voice. "Don't hide from me. I know you think I can't handle it... but I can." Sean sniffled, mumbling in a broken voice. "I didn't want you to see me like this..." Mark kissed his temple, sweetly telling him in a deep buttery voice. "But seeing you like this just tells me how much your going to miss me."

Sean snatched a tissue from the box on the bedside table, grumbling out. "I don't want you to remember me like this... God damn it." Mark chuckled very lightly, purring over his shoulder. "You can't always be the strong one." Sean finally looked at Mark, his voice cracking when he said. "Why aren't you crying?" Mark brushed his fingers across his cheek, telling him with a warm smile. "I'm stronger when you aren't. So, promise me something." Sean nodded, listening to Mark tell him seriously. "Don't shut down when I leave. Live. Write it all down and when I come back. You can tell me all about it. The good and bad. I'll wanna hear it all." Sean wrapped his arms around Mark's neck, hugging him close. Giving his shoulder a brief kiss, Mark told him softly. "I'll video you as often as I can. I'll set everything up for you. Just don't pretend that you're ok. Go out. Have fun." Sean nodded, unable to say anything. He didn't see himself doing anything fun without him... but to make him feel better he just agreed.

Mark kissed his ear, chuckling out warmly. "I was actually really worried that you weren't crying... I kept thinking that you were hiding something far worse from me. So, I'm actually a little relieved that you're crying." Sean chuckled through his tears, hugging him tighter. His tears were running out, allowing his body to relax. There was something powerful about breaking in his arms. He could almost feel Mark's strength radiating around him. Protecting him from further pain. Wrapping himself up against Mark more, he coaxed Mark into making love to him. Of all the times they had made love. This was the one he cherished. Mark's arms kept him close. His endless kisses lingered on his skin with a passion that could only be savored. Mark didn't rush any moment despite the time ticking away. His fingers clawed over his back and thighs during every slow thrust, teasing moans from Sean's throat. It was the first time that Sean had reached an orgasm not from the speed, but from the pure raw passion he felt from having Mark caress every part of him.