The Space Between

Chapter Nine: "Believe Me"

Sean stared at the laptop his heart racing and twisting up in his chest. Was Mark ok. The call had disconnected so abruptly. The sound of the alarm still rang in his ears. Sinking in the water up to his mouth, he tried to stay calm and rational. The alarm didn't mean anything. Mark was fine. Wasn't he? Reaching out, he slammed the laptop shut and sank in the water. Sitting at the bottom of the pool, Sean tried to push away the fear and panic coursing through him. As the fear built up in him, he tilted his head back and screamed as loud as he could under the water. Screaming had surprisingly released all the pressure that had started to overwhelm him. Watching the air bubbles rush up to the surface even had a strange effect on him. Having wasted all his air, Sean pushed himself up and swam up to the surface. Grabbing the side of the pool, Sean lifted himself up to spit the water that had gotten into his mouth. Staring blankly at the sidewalk, he mumbled to himself calmly. "Everything is fine..."

Even as he said it, he watched his hands shake. He tried to block out the thoughts, but it only took one to torture him. What if that had been the last time that he'd see and hear him? Sean's chest caved in as his heart felt like a vice had crushed it. Clawing the pavement with his fingers, he shook his head. He refused to believe it. He wouldn't let himself believe that. The glass backdoor slid open as Mark's mother stepped out to happily say. "Sean? Honey, dinner is ready. Did Mark hang up?" Sean's throat tightened and he hefted himself from the pool. Moving to the chair, he yanked off his beach towel and wrapped it around himself. Hastily rushing toward the door, he avoided her eyes as he forced himself to utter out. "Ya... Can you bring the laptop inside for me? Thanks..." Slipping past her, she turned and asked him with more concern now. "Sean? Something wrong?" Sean shook his head but didn't slow down. He wanted to get back to his room. He wanted to be alone. His armor was breaking down.

He couldn't be strong for her. He had made it into the hall, when she ran up to him. She grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop as she asked him in a soft motherly voice. "Sean? What happened? Talk to me." Sean shook his head, pulling against her grip as he tried to get to the bedroom. He couldn't look at her because tears were starting to fall down his cheeks. She pulled back on him with surprising strength as his weakened. Dropping to his knees, he began to cry and huddled himself up against the wall. She dropped to her knees beside him, her arms reaching out to instinctively pull him into a hug. She didn't understand, but she held him in her comforting arms. Sean wrapped his arms around her, crying into her shoulder. His whole body was shaking as the fear swelled within him. He was stronger than this... but the thought of losing him just then had broken him in ways that his body just couldn't begin to deal with. The only comfort that even tried to snap him out of his numb lifeless pain was the fact that... Mark's mother smelled like him. Her clothes smelled like him and if he closed his eyes. He could pretend that he had never left.

Mark's mother sat with him, keeping him close as she rubbed his back until he calmed down. When he had calmed down, she kissed his temple and told him lovingly. "Come. You need to rest." She helped him up, wrapping an arm around him as she led him into the bedroom. Sitting him on the bed, she grabbed another hand towel to dry his hair. He didn't have the strength or ability to say anything. He just felt so numb. He had never felt a numbness like this. It was the worst kind of claustrophobic numbness. His chest was tight, and his body just refused to make an effort to move even the tiniest bit. She dried him off as best she could, then set out some pajamas for him. Mark's pajamas. Lifting his chin with her fingers, she looked him in the eyes as she told him warmly. "Get changed and I'll make you some tea. It will help. I promise." Her gentle hands brushed his damp bangs back, caressing the sides of his face before leaving him. Standing up after she left, he stiffly changed from his swim shorts into Mark's pajama pants. Hugging the shirt to his bare chest, he crawled over the bed and huddled up into a ball. Burying his face in the shirt, he took deep breaths of Mark's smell.