I don't know where and how to start this,
Until today,
I still can't get my mind over of-
Of my old memories,
I am kindly type of person-
Who can't even forget something,
Easily,
Also,
Can't forgive someone easily too,
It is kinda worst,
But,
Further down more to find me,
As a kid,
We would like to try something that is new,
More to-
Something like adult have,
Something like adult did,
And many more,
One of it that I still can't move on is-
My harsh words,
More specifically,
On social media usually,
This always haunt me,
Whenever I sit alone,
Whenever I am in my own room,
Whenever at night,
Whenever I don't have some stuffs to think about,
It really hit me so so so damn hard,
I do cry,
When it came,
It turn to make me hate myself,
More,
And more,
I always ask myself,
"why did you do that?!",
"who teach you this?!",
"how can you turn yourself like this?!",
Deep down inside too,
I always try to calm myself down,
As I know,
Nobody know my secrets,
As I want to keep this silly things alone,
As I know how stupid I am hahah,
I won't let anyone know,
As I think they do know if I wasn't told about it,
But,
I got clueless,
"as soon as they will know...",
"what is my answer?",
"how can I reply them?",
Apart of it,
I took this as my memories,
I took this as my punishment,
Circumstance,
Of what I did,
As soon as I grow up,
I become shy,
I do mind and care about what I gonna speak and write,
Sometimes I preferred to be silent and be a loyal listener and viewer,
I growing up,
I met lots of people,
Being friends,
I make great yet not-so-great bond with some of them,
Whenever they get close to me,
As I can see,
They slowly discovered me,
Slowly,
They do know about me,
Some will feel shock,
As they thought,
'The Silent Su' is a good girl,
Innocent on outer,
But sometimes do as cold as ice,
But when they know me,
They had a little 'culture shock' hahah,
I would like to tell them,
"what if you discover more about me..."
"...you'll know a lot..."
"...and you'll choose to leave me..."
I am not afraid of losing,
But one thing I am afraid of-
The lack of my secret,
That they discovered,
This silly memories really teach me,
Teach me to be careful with my words,
Teach me to be mature slowly,
Surely.
Fri., May 29th
Su . . .
YOU ARE READING
random things in my mind
PuisiNothing much. I would like to write when it suddenly popped up in my head heheh. First of all, my English is suck tbh. That's all okay. I'm still learning to master my second language. Second, I use this application and do write as a medium for me t...
