Loving Me

Chapter 4

"I live in my own little world. But it is okay, they know me here."

A quote that I had grew to love in years.

A quote that defined my life.

Just that, that little world is so little that it comprises of five people; my family alone.

But I was another personality at home; accepted, confident, unreserved.

The absence of the heavy chunk that was always there whenever I stepped a foot outside our home made me lay my head on my mother's lap comfortably as we both watched my cousins practice a dancestep they called 'poco lee'. It looked as if they were trying to rupture their legs more than dance.

To distract myself from the dance that seemed painful, I let my eyes wander around them until it got stuck at their face. I couldn't help but acknowledge the striking resemblance between them and my mother, again. For Christ sake, they were my cousin!

What struck me more was the fact that looked not an inch like her at their arrival. Now, neighbors that witnessed their arrival swore that they were her biological daughters. It didn't help that my mother tried to instill the same character and also gave the same amount of attention to us all. She always beamed when she overheard the confusion in the arguments concerning our natility.

"Will you two just sit down and not tear my carpet in the name of dancing?" My mother eyed them.

"Fools." I muttered under my breath.

"Just like you." Mary, the older one returned as they both sat down.

"So how was your first day in a university?" My mother asked me again.

She had asked me earlier but I ignored it. I wasn't ready to tell anyone about what happened today, and mostly not about my insecurities.

I couldn't let them all know I was a weakling outside the house.

But I suspected my mother has hints of it.

...because she is my mother and she knows everything.

"Mum, tell Idera it's a bad habit to just go blank when being talked to. " Mary pinpointed and my mother nodded in agreement.

"Perhaps, it's because of the cliche question mum asked," Susan chimed in, " it turns me off too."

"Why?" My mother asked.

"Thanks for asking." She answered quickly, " Well that's because cliched terms lack effects..."

"Okay!" we all chorused to stop her.

She always had long educational talks about everything in her head and only waits for an audience to tick off her bomb.

"So answer the question then since you don't want to be saved." Susan frowned at me.

"I wasn't avoiding the question before, I just had more important things to worry about." I answered.

"And what would that be, Tinker Bell?" Mary asked with an irritating mischief written all over her face.

"Can you just shut the fuck up, Mrs Observer?" I said sitting up.

"Idera!" My mother glared at me. "What is wrong with you?"

"Maami, how would I pay my school fees?" I returned. "That, is what is bothering me!" I glared back, though not so sternly.

My was taken aback for some seconds, then she said, "That's for me and your father to worry about."

"Let's not pretend like you have it. You don't have anything to sell again like those times because the only things of importance we have in this room is a wornout sofa and a mattress. And everything won't even be up to ten thousand if sold." I ranted, then watch her nod repeatedly before looking away from me.