In need of help | Kiribaku

1.

Ok ok ok I know what I said in the description but this starts out dark but the story itself will get "positive" or smtg like that over time. Ups and downs, so pls follow along!<3

Bakugou pov:

How about today? Yeah today sounds good to me. He will be back at six from buying groceries, which means I have two hours left.

I put on a nice white button up and black jeans and maybe a tie? No. No tie for today. That would be too much.

I close the bedroom door and head to the bathroom where I turn on the hot water for my tub and let it in.
I take a deep breath in, brush my teeth, use a bit of hair products to look nice and turn off the water.

My next look hits the door handle and its lock. I think about it and decide to close it just in case.

Yes thats the spirit we are going for! Oh come on shut up, I know that.

I pull at the skin on my arm and feel the nervousness rise up. The pressure helps and I step in the bathtub.

Good boy, keep going.. I'm glad that you came to terms with your real determination.
Do you remember that time they took you? That was terrible and guess what, you deserve it.

I sit down and stare at the water my breathing gets worse again as the voice reappears. She is right that was terrible. No horrifying.. and I do deserve it.

Tears slowly fall down my cheeks.
They should have just left me there.
Best Jeanest is dead because of me. If it wasn't for me he would be still alive, the others put themselves in danger for me. How do I deserve that?!
Its all probably just for their reputation anyways. Which I am glad for. Thinking that they did it for me just doesn't make sense. Exactly.
I am worthless, mean, loud, I have an obnoxious behavior towards others, even children.
How am I supposed to be a prohero when I cannot even be kind to children? All I do is destroy and spread fear and hate.

I feel the air having problems filling my lungs, my eyes are probably red and burn from crying so bad, but I cant stop. My chest is aching.

I hate this. I hate this body. I hate my personality the most. Its disgusting. No I am disgusting.
How can he be with me? Does he even mean it?
No he doesn't. Dont even consider that, you miserable pice of shit.
I guess so.. He should just call me a fag and he wouldn't have to put up with me anymore.

How long has it been since I am sitting here? An hour?

The water is starting to cool down. The water is still clear as glas. Just my, what you call, body waiting for it to finally be free.
I slowly lay back down as I take one last deep breath before my head meets the lukewarm water as this breath taking element covers my face and slowly enters my mouth and nose. Its feels amazing. It feels like its crushing my head and lungs.
Minutes pass and I am running out of air and my damn body is naturally craving for more. I dont want it to win. I have to do this. I grab the edge of the tub and press myself beneath the surface.
It slowly starts to hurt and I like the pain radiating from my chest because it makes me feel something. Or maybe I finally feel how it feels to live again..

I close my eyes for a short amount of time before opening them again and let little bubbles escape my mouth. They are free once they hit the surface but me? I cant do that. I will never be free..
As the last few bubbles slip through my mouth my body finally listens and gives in as I sink to the bottom of the tub.

A moment later, I begin to start to feel dizzy and my hands become numb but its good, the less I feel myself the easier this is. They say a moment before you get to be free you see your life play backwards but this only shows me when I was just able to walk and my parents. I feel sorry for them that they had to put up with me aswell. I was never an easy kid.
I'm also sorry for leaving but this just isn't my world.

The time is still playing backwards and in the last seconds I hear dull noises.

Fuck. That cant be him right? He said he would be back at 6. Did I take so long? I can't really do anything right..
I feel my anxiety rise as if there is nothing else to think about but him finding me while I die. If he finds me like this or while my body is still warm- I just can't risk that and make him blame himself for not coming earlier.

I take my last bit of energy and pull myself up, which of course, had to make enough noise for him to notice and now he is in front of the door. I am panting heavily as I was suffocating just a second ago. He heared it right? Oh no.. He is gonna ask. Oh no oh no this cant be true. Please. Just please calm down. He is gonna ask questions if you dont shut yourself.

The door handle is being pushed down but for my luck, stoped by the lock. The voice reappears.
"Hey um, is everything fine in there?"
Shit he noticed... I try to catch my breath in order to be able to answer him properly but I fail halfway through talking.
"Yeah, don't worry, I guess I just- sleept in- while bathing." My breath is hitching.
Maybe thats good enough for him.
"Oh ok then, I will be in the kitchen if you need me."

I start to sober up.. As he leaves I feel myself shaking with my hands and I cry.
I cry a lot. It hurts. I hurt. I hurt so bad.
Why can't I just leave? Why do I have to be here? Why can't I just be normal? I lied to him. How miserable can I get? I look down and see my tears dripping down, into the water. They melt together with the bath water and are also free now, they got to escape me and follow where they belong.

I guess I will have to get out now.. My skin has become rubbery like when I go swimming.
Have I been really in here for two hours?
My clothes are soaked. They feel heavy and stick to my skin. I get undressed. I look at the pile of wet clothes and know that just leaving them there would be the most obvious, secret telling and stupid thing ever so I squish them out properly and throw them in the laundry bag.

As I look around the room I realize that I forgot to bring new clothes with me. Well if everything would have worked out, I wouldn't need them now but fate is a stupid invention from the higher gods and it works. More or less.

Luckily for me I could just hush from the bathroom to our bedroom without being seen by Kirishima. I do that and throw on a plain white T-shirt and black boxers.

_______

PLEASE 5 min:
Tell me if this angst chapter did something to you like sending shiver down your spine, made you uncomfy or smtg. I want to improve my writing skills.