Letters to Senator Bonteri

xii

AHSOKA POV

I broke free from Lux's grasp and ran, I didn't have a destination, but I had to get away from him. I just couldn't stand to face him now, and probably not ever.

Once I realized he was no longer chasing me, I ducked into an alley and plopped to the ground, exhausted. It was then I realized I was crying, although it was tough to tell with the rain. I went to reach into my bag for a bite to eat, when I realized that something was missing. I didn't yet know what it was, but I pulled everything out so I could figure out what it was. 

My heart skipped a beat when I realized what I had dropped. Shit shit shit shit shit. I was having a mini panic attack. My mind was swarming with questions. Where did I drop it? When did I drop it? Did... he find it? What would he think?

I took a deep breath to compose myself. Alright Ahsoka, I told myself, you just need to retrace your steps to find it, and just pray that he didn't find it first. With my mind more at ease, and with a calmer demeanor, I set out to retrace my steps and find the notebook.

As I got closer and closer to Lux's apartment without finding it, fear and panic began to build up inside of me. I turned a corner and I kid you not my heart stopped for a couple seconds. I saw Lux sitting on his knees, face in his hands. I just stood there, watching him, unable to move, I didn't know what to do. 

My instincts kicked in and I began to move towards Lux. He heard me, and looked up. Seeing his puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks instantly made me feel like crying, but I didn't. I had already cried too much due to him. I stood over him, hands on my hips. 

"Ah-Ahsoka... I-I didn't... know," he choked out between sobs.

I scoffed. "That's cause you never asked, never tried to find out! You moved on just like the note said, forgot about me, threw me away like everyone else! You were the one person that I could let loose around, tell all my troubles, talk about things I couldn't with Anakin or Obi-Wan or Rex, and when you left me too, it destroyed me."

That felt good. I had wanted to give him a piece of my mind ever since I read that letter. Lux just sat in shocked silence for a few seconds.

Finally he seemed to compose himself a bit and spoke. "Ahsoka, I'm sorry. So so sorry. It was a mistake to do that to you. I should've came and found you, made sure you were okay, and I didn't. I was an ass, hell I still am. I tried to move on from you by replacing you with Lily, but it never really worked. I still loved you, and still do."

For a moment, my lekku darkened, and I thought about being with Lux, what we could have together, but I dismissed those thoughts with a shake of the head.

"I'm sorry Lux, but you betrayed me and my trust. I just can't," I said holding back tears.

Lux stood now and put his hands on my shoulders. "Ahsoka, no don't say that. I've finally got you back and I'm ready to make things right, give you the life I should have already. You can't tell me you still don't love me!"

"It's too late, I'm sorry. Goodbye Lux Bonteri," I said, finally allowing the tears to fall. I placed a kiss on his cheek and turned to walk away.

"No! Ahsoka! Don't! Please I just want you back, I miss you. I can't lose you again!" I didn't turn around, for I knew I wouldn't be able to leave if I did. But I didn't need to turn around to feel Lux's pain, sorrow, anger and regret. I just continued walking away from the only man I'd ever loved, and probably ever would.

I continued walking aimlessly, and found myself at the Coruscant spaceport. I knew it wasn't a coincidence that I was here, I had to get off planet. Lux would come looking for me, that much was certain. I needed to go somewhere he'd never find me.

After a moment of thinking, the perfect place came to mind. He would never think to look for me here. I'd be able to live out the rest of my years in peace, even if it was alone.

I walked up to the teller to buy my ticket. "A one-way ticket to Onderon please."

I made my way to the transport and began to walk up the stairs. I stopped and took one last look at Coruscant before stepping onto the transport.