we all went out to the club again and surprisingly im not plastered. for some reason i couldnt get myself in the mood to drink. everybody else was well shitfaced, except for Jay. Jay looked stressed all night, like he was thinking really hard. i think i know what it might be but i dont dare ask him. we get to the hotel and Jay drags me to his room. thinking he wanted to have sex again i walk up to him and run my hands down his chest. "no, Trinidy. not right now. we need to talk," Jay says. i stop and walk to the balcony. i just stand there enjoying the breeze cos i know exactly what hes going to say. i feel him walk up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. he kisses my shouler and i just shrug him off. he sighs and says "look Trinidy, i didnt expect to like you, especially fall in love with you after a couple of days. i just expected this to be fucking but turns out we were both wrong." i laugh coldly and turn around to meet his eyes.
"love?" i spat out. "theres no such thing as love. even if there was, i would never have it. i dont deserve something like that. i dont want or need something as troubling as that. we cant be anything more than fuck buddies and you damn well know that." "Trinidy calm down. wheres all this coming from?" Jay asks. "you tell me Jay. youre the one who suddenly decided you 'love me'. thats a joke. why would anyone love me?" i yell and through my hands in the air. Jay roughly grabs me and pushes me against the balcony wall. i just glare up at him. "dont you ever, and i mean ever say that again. do you hear me? you are a fucking amazing person whether you think you are or not. i think you are and thats all that matters to me. i refuse to let you think like this anymore. let me love you and let me show you that love is real," he says while pushing his body against mine. i start tearing up and yell "no!" and run out of the room, grabbing my stuff. he tries to run after me but i swiftly sidestep him and run out the room.
once i dashed out of his room, he didnt come for me. i went straight to my room and flung myself onto the bed. i sat there and cried and cried for forever. i finally got up to go look at myself and what i find is tears trails and running makeup. i take all my makeup off then go outside on the balcony. right then a peaceful breeze flew through the air and i knew what Jay said is right. its not the fact that i dont find myself loveable, im just scared to let anyone try to love me. i didnt grow up and love and fondness. i grew up with hate and coldness. thats why ive always partied, drank, and had one night stands; no strings attached, meaning no relationships. everything was strictly sex. i know i have to go back to Jays room and apologize. i know i have to give this one shot. but then i realize, ive only known him for two days and theres already this much trouble. i sigh, grab my room key, and walk out the door. by this time, its 3am. if hes anything like me, hes probably still awake due to the worrying.
i knock on his door and he opens it. hes standing there with nothing but a pair of boxers on and i see his eyes; theyre bloodshot. "so youve been crying to huh?" i say softly. he nods and pulls me in. "tea?" he asks. "no, i need to say this now before i completely chicken out. i was told one day by my father, surprisngly, that it only takes 20 seconds of insane courage for something good to happen. we've only know each other for two days, two fucking days. but for some reason i dont care. its not the fact that i dont think i deserve love, everyone deserves love. im just scared of what it could do to me. it could either build me up or tear me down. but when you touch me, my whole body ignites. my heart beats faster and i get butterflies. you give me the chills when you skin touches mine. i love you and i dont know how to handle that," i finally say. he just looks at me in astonishment, before he walks over to me in two strides.
he easily wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. he looks deep into my eyes and says "i shouldnt, but i love you." he proceeds to kiss me with so much love and passion that my head starts spinning. "let me make love to you. let me show you what real love is," he says and carries me to the bed. he slowly kisses me and i can tell hes putting every ounce of love hes got into it. he slowly rubs his hands up and down my sides while i play with his hair at the base of his neck. he removes his mouth from mine to peel my shirt off and i take this chance to slowly rub my hands over his chest and slip off his shirt. he just smiles sweetly at me and slowly kisses his way down my neck. the whole time he leaves a trail of chills and he knows it. he slowly starts to rub circles on my hips and i shiver. this time he doesnt bite, but stays very gentle. he takes hold of my shorts and easily slips them off of me. usually he would have looked at me with lust, but it was pure love i saw in those ocean blue eyes.
i knew in that moment no matter what came our way, i was going to make this work. i worked on his jeans as we were kissing and they finally slipped off. he casually sat me up on top of him and unclipped my bra. he slowly pulled the straps down my arms, leaving goosebumps everywhere. as our tongues fight for dominance, he slids his finger down across my underwear. he plays with the fabric and i break away and glare at him. he chuckles and finally pulls them off. i raise my legs and hook my toes in the band of his boxers and pull them down. now we are both exposed and we take this chance to really look at each other. he is the most beautiful man i have ever seen. long, lean torso which is very toned. nice long muscular legs. his arms, oh his arms are nice and toned. but then his face; the face of an angel. i smile and grab his chin. "make love to me," i whisper. and he does just that. he grabs my legs, hooks them onto his waist, and slides in. he pecks me then he starts to thrust. he is being so soft and gentle, and it sends me into a frenzy. he stares into my eyes and whispers "i love you." i smile and grab his neck to kiss him. he stays gentle and it is amazing.
love is so much more than i ever expected it to be. and im happy i got to experience this love with Jay Mcguiness.after about two hours of continuous love making, he finally lays on top of me, out of breath. "the rush to much and here it comes, when your lips touch mine, its the kiss of life.." he sings softly to me. i giggle and say "thats what she said." he laughs his beautiful laugh and goes "ive never experienced something like that in my life. i love you more that you know." "oh i think i know seeing as i love you too," i reply. "come on love. lets get settled and get to bed then. tomorrow im going to take you shopping," he says. i look at him surprise "youre joking right?" "nope. gotta take my girlfriend out and about dont i? i also got to buy her things," he replies. i wiggle my eyebrows and say "im your girlfriend now?" "you always find humor in everything huh?" he says while chuckling. "course. i wouldnt be me if i didnt," "and i would love you if you werent you. Goodnight gorgeous," Jay says and kisses me on the lips. we both fall asleep with our arms wrapped around each other and smiles on our faces.
