Amiss

Chapter 32 - Trey

Author's note: This chapters song is "Make Them Suffer - The Attendant"

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Standing in front of the crisp refrigerator shirtless, I guzzle milk straight out of the carton when the back door slides open. Ava wades in, dropping her car keys roughly on the coffee table as I lower the carton from my lips which are already grinning. Every fibre of my being feels awake It's terrifying how much I missed her in such a short space of time.

"Hey Ava," I breathe out in a happy rush while rounding the corner into the lounge. My voice startles Ava and she pivots around in a flash. One look at her face causes my smile to curdle up. Ava's eyes are filled with tears; grey streaks, no doubt the remnants of her mascara line her pale cheeks.

"Please don't tell me that Motherfucker bothered you again?" I hiss feeling all my previous dislike for the fool rise to abhor. How could Kyal not get the message? Ava shakes her head, looking a little surprised by my outburst.

"No. Kyal hasn't bothered me," Ava's eyes are downcast as she mumbles. Something serious must have happened for her to be so upset.

I'm not exactly in a position to demand answers, but a part of me wishes she could open up to me completely.

"Are you Ok? Is everything alright between you and Letty?" I watch as her lips quiver at my question and fresh tears make tracks down her beautiful face. My legs carry me across the room, extinguishing the distance between us. I can't help myself as my arms reach for her. She willingly tucks against my chest, fitting there so perfectly. I'm reminded of the first time I ever hugged her, she was crying then too.

Ava sobs quietly against my chest and I wish I could know everything going on inside that pretty head of hers. However, interrogating her while she cries probably isn't going to achieve anything.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just know I'm here if you want to talk. If there's anything, I can do..." my murmur fades out as I'm reminded of my uselessness. I can't even fix myself. I'm so damn messed up, but some incomprehensible notion has me wanting to help her.

Breathing in deeply, her perfume overwhelms my senses. It takes all my willpower not to place my lips against her soft skin. "I'd do anything for you, Angel."

Ava shivers, and I rub her arms soothingly trying to warm her up. She's still staring up at me with those big blue eyes sparkling with tears. Her silence lingers, and I decide to change the subject since she's not forthcoming.

"Would you like a cup of tea then? Or I can run you a bath..." I gently ask her as she swallows roughly. "But it'll have to be in the smaller tub in the ensuite though."

Ava's face becomes ashen like she's about to be sick. A moment of truth seems to dawn upon her.

"Is...is that why you can't go upstairs...Because they died there?" She chokes her words out but I catch them as a cold shard of ice settles in my gut.

My arms drop limply to my side as an unsettling silence descends over the room. I don't need to wonder too hard on how she knows. Brax's name flashes in my mind's eye. I sigh sharply; she probably knows it all then. Willing myself to look up, I nod imperceptibly.

It seems like the most prolonged moment as we stare at each other, neither wanting to start speaking. I watch as the tears flow and the look of pity forms in those blue depths. My glance finally breaks away, travelling to the ceiling, where the stray bullet made its impact eleven years ago. I can't stand the silence any longer.

"You see that?" I point upwards, and her focus follows my finger. "To anyone else, it's probably difficult to see, an insignificant little hole. But to me, that void... That bullet was meant for me. Sometimes, I hear it whispering my name in the darkness." Frowning I think back upon the worst day of my shitty life.

I feel as Ava trembles beside me, but somehow her mere presence spurs me on. It's the first time that I don't cower from the awful memories. "He shot my Mum, right in the stomach," I hate how empty my voice sounds as I describe the moment my childhood ended and my heart broke.

"She was crying in pain. There was so much blood. All I wanted was to get to her, to help her. But I couldn't move. My body was paralysed. I just fucking stood there in shock, not understanding what was happening. She was screaming in agony, and he was laughing." The tears trickle down my cheeks, as I inch my eyes shut haunted by the bitter memories.

"The fucker was laughing; I'll never forget that laugh. And then he turned the gun on me, pointed it at my head. It all happened in slow motion but my Mum knocked the gun away, making him shoot the floor instead. Even bleeding to death and in terrible agony, she saved me, while I just..." I glance to the ceiling once more, asking why for the millionth time. "Well that made him madder, and I guess you know the rest."

"I was meant to die, not her." My confession is a low oath but I know she hears it.

My eyes remain clamped shut as the onslaught of terrible memories rip through me. I can still hear my mother's voice begging, pleading, for my worthless life. The maniacal laughter of my father rings in my ears and somehow echoes louder than the gunshots. It all happened so long ago, but I can still smell the gun powder, and taste the blood in my mouth as I bit my tongue to hold back my screams. It was some combination of mercy and self-preservation when I blacked out so I didn't witness any more of the horror. Yet somehow the blackness spoke to me in a bitter snarl, as the faint sounds of sirens pealed in the distance.

I retreat from the terrors to the present and open my eyes to watch the internal struggle raging in Ava. She's trembling and crying for me but unable to meet my gaze. I can't blame her, after all, I have my mother's eyes. I remember vividly when life faded from them.

"Please say something Ava, anything," I beg, no longer able to stand her silence. She shakes her pretty head and my chest sinks. I stare at her and suddenly feel resolved of the end of whatever this is. Ava won't stay, and why would she? I can understand her desire to leave. These walls have scars which can't be painted over and boarded up; my soul has demons which can't be buried in the past.

I tried to hide the shame and the ghosts, yet she discovered the truth. Now the burden of my secret is lifted, I bared her my heart. Little does she know I've told her more than I ever divulged to anyone before. I think it's when you truly love someone, you can be your raw self. But it's all too little too late — There's nothing I can do to make her stay.

"Everyone important left me in this house. It seems only right that you leave me here too." If ever there was a moment that I hoped anyone would step up, and tell me otherwise it's now. My heart beats swiftly in anticipation. However, Ava remains mute and rooted to the spot.

Slowly the realisation dawns on me, by lingering here I'm just making this harder for her. The last thing I want is to be a burden. Begging Ava to stay, confessing my love will only make this more wretched. Being her friend, her housemate is the single greatest thing that's happened in my shitty life, but I need to let her go. All along I knew deep down it wouldn't last, that she deserved better. I'm much too broken; my weak heart can't even bear to watch her pack up and leave.

I give Ava one final survey, trying to imprint her into my memory. We don't have a single photo together, my memory is the only evidence I'll ever have. "Goodbye, Ava," I smile wistfully, knowing that I'm not enough. Turning my back on her and leaving the lounge room is like torture, but I know it's necessary. I shut my bedroom door and collapse upon the rumpled sheets of the bed. The smell of Ava permeates my nostrils, and I breathe it in deeply knowing it won't stay here for much longer.

It feels like hours later that I hear the front door click closed. A sense of finality washes over me as Ava leaves the house. It's the very opposite of everything I want. Tears prick my eyes but I know in the depths of my broken heart it's for the best. After all, she deserves someone better than me.

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Author's note: Hi All, I hope this final chapter finds you all safe. I'm so grateful you've joined me on this journey. This is the first book I've had the guts to publish in its entirety. I hope you have enjoyed it. I think Trey is by far my favourite character I've ever penned. Please vote or comment if you feel like it. Sending lots of love your way. xo