Raising Hell

8. Coming Back From the Dead Sucks

As soon as we get back to the Institute, I make a move to go to my room but Alec stops me. I turn to face him, my brows knitted together.

"We need to talk," he way in a low voice.

"Those words are never good," I try to joke, but he doesn't laugh. "Just let me change really quick and I'll meet you in your room."

Alec nods, his thumb brushing over the back of my hand before releasing it. He turns and walks in the opposite direction. For a second, I stare after him. There is nothing I want more at this moment than to know exactly what is going through Alec's head. He doesn't seem to realize what he's doing to me— he's killing me. Despite how much I delude myself into thinking things could ever work between us, they can't. As far as he knows, I'm a mundane. Shadowhunters can't be with mundanes unless they are willing to become mundanes. Alec would never make that decision, and even if he did, I would have to tell him the truth. He'll resent me if he knew the truth.

My feet had carried me to my room and I hadn't even realized it. I push the door open and go straight for the armoire. I pull out a pair of sweatpants and a black hoodie and throw them on. As I walk to the bathroom, I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Whatever damage that was done to my jaw is gone and almost all my hair has been pulled out of its ponytail. There are clear bags under my eyes and suddenly I long for some concealer. I pull my ponytail out of my hair before pulling my hair into a tight bun. I turn on the sink, splashing water onto my face and brushing my teeth. My ribs still ache, but I ignore the aches as I finish getting cleaned up. Tucking my phone in my pocket, I exit the room and walk to Alec's room.

When I knock on his door, he opens it right away.

"Hey." He quickly steps aside to let me in.

"Hi." I enter his room, which is just as tidy as it was the last time I was here. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"You really scared me today, you know that?" He says. He takes a step towards me, crossing his arms over his chest.

Of course. He just wanted to yell at me to make sure I don't step out of line again.

"Look," I take a step towards him. "I'm sorry for what I did. I can't imagine how much trouble you got in with Jace and Izzy—"

"Th-that's not what I mean." Alec interrupts me. "I was worried about you. I mean, if something happened to you, I don't know what I would have done."

"But I'm fine, Alec," I reassure him.

You wouldn't have been fine if Clary didn't arrive, my mind reminds me.

"But if something did happen to you, you would've died thinking that I hated you," Alec says.

"I know that you don't hate me," I tell him. "What I don't know is why you've been avoiding me. I thought that maybe I did something wrong—"

Alec shakes his head. "You didn't do anything wrong— well, other than sneaking off with Clary." The corners of his mouth twitch. "And I don't think I could hate you even if I wanted to."

"Well, I guess I don't hate you either," I say and we both laugh. "Seriously, though. I'm glad we're still friends."

Alec's smile falters slightly. "Yeah, me too."

My smile remains on my face as I hold out my arms. Alec smiles and rolls his eyes before pulling me into a hug. Never in my life did I think Alec would willingly hug me. His arms wrap around my torso and I stand on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Are you ever going to tell me why you were avoiding me?" I ask as we pull away.

He opens his mouth to respond but is interrupted when Isabelle walks in.