Just A Fan (Book 1 of JAF series)

Chapter 3 Smokey Bars and Battle Scars

'Dear Ms. Kent, I am sorry...' I toss the letter aside. Another rejection.

With each one I feel worse and worse. 'Why did I ever think this could happen?'

I have half a mind to burn all of my songs and sell my instruments.

I finish going through the pile. 41 rejections, I sigh. I stack the 5 letters I received today and put them with the rest.

Then I pull my guitar out from behind my desk. I'll burn my songs tomorrow. Right now I've got a gig to play.

Kelsey's been covering for me for 2 months now. Saturday nights are "girls nights."

In reality, I drop Kelsey off at the mall or the movies from 6-9. Then I continue on to 'The Cracklin' Catfish.' It's just a smokey bar in the middle of a whole string of bars but it's special to me.

My college friend, Ben, has a job bar-tending and he was more than happy to hook me up. Mostly I do cover songs, some nights, if I am brave, I throw in one of my own.

Just walking into the place raises my spirit. 'I could never give this up; I belong on that stage.'

By the time I'm up all of my muscles are tense, and they will be until I start playing. The rush is what I live for.

I start off with 'Dark Horse' by Don Amero, it's one of my favorites. After that I shift into 'Jailhouse Rock,' Elvis style.

I've got rhythm and blues in my voice, in my soul. But I can handle country any day.

My last song comes too soon, I've forgotten the audience, the stage, the lights. But I have to touch ground and re-tune my guitar.

I glance at the crowd and end up doing a double take. Kelsey's standing in back. 'I wonder how she got here this time?'

She's showed up a couple of times, I'm just glad she looks older than she is, and that she knows how to handle herself in public.

I catch her eye and smile. She waves at me.

My fingers change directions, I know what to end with. I'm nervous now, I've never performed this start to finish. But, since the stupid song griped onto my brain and held on I was forced to learn it or explode.

I start playing and I keep going with the same strength I started with:

"I could spray-paint 'I love you' on that bridge or in the sky..."

I see Kelsey beam and then I get lost in the music. I mess up a couple of times but it's small things, and I remind myself not to beat myself up while I'm still playing, it just makes things worse. Besides, no one, besides the other musicians, will notice.

"Thank you very much. Y'all enjoy the rest of your evening." I glance down at the list on the stage and announce the next performer.

I walk backstage and collect my stuff. Kelsey is waiting for me by the back door.

"That was amazing!"

"Thought you'd like it," I grin.

"I didn't know you could play that! You so have to sing it with Hunter next week!"

"I already told you no Kelsey."

"Why not?" Kelsey's tone is whiny, her face upset.

I take my keys out of my pocket, we've almost reached the car.

"I got rejection letters number 36-41 today." I say it more to my keys than to her. "I think maybe dad's right. I should give it up."

Kelsey stops short, I turn to look at her. She pinches my arm.