I'm Not As Dumb As You Think I Am

Chapter 1 : Hinata's Beliefs and Undestandings

( Hinata's P.O.V )

My life is pretty great and I have lots of friends in school, my home life is amazing as well so . . . why do I feel the need to act dumb in front of my teammates and be so happy?

That's a question I ask myself everyday and I have one answer " To fit in with society of course. "
Now you might be thinking how come I need to be oblivious and happy to fit in with my surroundings.

It's simple. It's because my urges to be well liked are too strong.

You see in junior high I didn't try to hide the fact that I was a prodigy in math and science, so because of that I was often secluded from people. My classmates didn't want to associate themselves with the school's nerd. I was teased and bullied everyday for being a know-it-all and a teacher's pet. ( which I wasn't, I was just smart )

Since then I decided to be a happy-go-lucky kind of guy in high school with nothing on my mind but volleyball. It's been months into the school year and my team was heading for nationals after we defeated Shiratorizawa. I'm getting pretty good at doing this act, the act of me being notoriously dumb.

I was getting more popular and had lots of friends. So I thought to myself " It would be fine if I showed my teammates ( which are my closest friends ) a new side of me right ? " I was planning on showing them my true self.

But then I had panic attacks thinking about this sort of stuff, I wondered if I acted like myself in junior high would I be teased by them ? Probably not right ? After all Kageyama's sudden outburst in front of Asahi was accepted by the team. But they knew about Kageyama's stories in junior high so if I told them they would feel betrayed.

But it's killing me to have a mask on all the time, I want to answer questions the teachers ask, do well on my tests, beat Tsukishima's saltiness with my logical answers. I'm afraid of the possibilities of getting rejected again. Never again.

I was bullied severely in junior high, so badly that I started to self harm. I have scars all over my forearms and thighs. But it changed when I went to high school. I was finally content with life so I stopped my cutting and applied concealer everyday to not give it away. ( it's working so far ) The scars are very deep since I felt pleasure in cutting one spot over and over again, it gave me a sense of control.

Natsu ( my little sister ) thinks I should tell them. I tell my sister my stories in junior high ( I excluded my self harm ). I tell her since I'm not dumb to keep them bottled up, if I did that then sooner or later I would burst in front of my teammates. Natsu helps me feel more calm when I get paranoid that my facade is slipping off. She cheers me up but is mad at me for keeping it a secret for so long. I feel so bad talking to my sister about this stuff since she's young, but she's surprisingly mature for her age. I want to tell my teammates about my true self because I can't keep bothering Natsu like this.

I plan on telling them one week from today so I will hype myself up everyday in order to not be so panicky when I do act my true self in front of them. I'm so weak for acting like this. I act so fake in front of them, I despise myself because of this. I despise myself for acting like this when they're my realest friends I've had in a long time.

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Hey it's me the author, you can call me Natalie. How did you like the first chapter ? This chapter mainly focuses on Hinata's inner workings of his brains, it's basically his thoughts. I hope you liked it. 😊😊 Have a good day/night !