fade into you - lashton

prologue

Everyone has a story. That's what they say anyway. That story is what helps shape them into who they are. For better or for worse, a person's past can effect everything from the way they look to the way they carry themselves. In a perfect world, the experiences lived by a person would leave a positive mark on their lives. Unfortunately, that's not always the case. It's definitely not the case for Ashton Irwin.

If there's one thing Ashton wants in life, it's to disappear. He wants to literally disappear; vanish into thin air. No one having any recollection of him ever being. He wants to stop existing. He's not suicidal per say-no, he could never kill himself. He more so just wishes he never existed to begin with. Because really, what's the point of existing if you can't feel?

Alright, so maybe Ashton can feel. But that's his problem. He doesn't want to feel, because if he does he'll end up like his mother. God, he does not want to end up like her. So he pushes his emotions into the deepest corners of his mind, hidden away where even he can't recognize them. Ashton forces himself to be numb.

He's become so numb in fact, that he doesn't even notice what others are feeling. He's oblivious to what's around him. Ashton's okay with that though because when there's no feelings involved and everything is black and white, he can't get attached. The last thing he wants is to get attached to someone, to depend on another person. So he just avoids people. He's convinced it's easier this way.

That's why when Ashton walked into school Monday morning he avoided all eye contact, keeping his eyes cast on the floor. He didn't care about the people around him, he didn't even want to be there. He only went to school because if he didn't, he'd disappoint his mom. He really didn't want to do that, she'd dealt with enough disappointment already.

Ashton sighed when he got to his locker, running a hand through his curly hair that he didn't bother to brush. Mostly because he forgot, but he didn't really care either. After opening his locker, he lazily put the books he needed into his bag and slung it back over his shoulder.

He was about to shut his locker when he heard a familiar laugh from down the hall. He looked over to see his old best friend Calum Hood, stood with his friends socializing while they could before class. Probably talking about last night's game or some party thrown over the weekend Ashton assumed. He frowned and pulled his eyes away from the group, trying not to think about when Calum had stopped talking to him.

Okay, so maybe it was Ashton who stopped talking to Calum. But it wasn't because they fought or because he didn't like him anymore. In fact Calum was one of the few people he could probably still tolerate. It was because he didn't want to depend on him. Calum was the only one there for him when his family was struggling. He put up with Ashton's outbursts, his tears and all the emotions he now has hidden away. However Ashton started shutting everyone out; and that included his best friend.

Of course it probably wasn't fair to Calum. He did nothing but be there for Ashton, doing everything he could to make him happy. He really was the best friend anyone could ask for. But that scared Ashton. It scared him because recent events had shown that becoming dependant and attached to someone can only lead to pain.

So Ashton cut his only friend out of his life. It started with making excuses to avoid hanging out, then it was not replying to texts, not answering calls, and ignoring at school. It hurt Ashton to do that-he loved Calum like his own brother after all-but he pushed away the pain and guilt, just like the rest of his feelings.

What Ashton didn't know is that Calum noticed. He noticed that his best friend was pushing him away. It hurt a lot but he tried to understand. He tried to be persistent, to keep Ashton in his life. He really did, but at some point it became apparent that he didn't want him in his life anymore. So he gave up. He found new friends and moved on.

Ashton didn't move on. He missed Calum, but he never thought about that because it was a feeling and he needed to avoid those. So he shook away his thoughts and shut his locker. He looked around and saw the hallway was emptying quickly. The warning bell rang and he internally rolled his eyes, slowly shuffling off to his English class.

“Good morning, Ashton.” His teacher, Ms. Dawn smiled brightly at him as he walked in the door.

“Morning.” Ashton mumbled quietly, not even looking in her direction. He didn't see her sigh at his response as he made his way to his seat in the back corner of the room. He was definitely glad they were allowed to choose their seats in that class.

As more and more students filed into the class room, Ashton took out his ipod and put in his ear phones to tune out the noise. It was also just in case someone tried to talk to him. Not that they would, no one notices him. No one even looks at him.

Well, except for one person.

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Hiiiiii so that was the prologue i guess lol sorry it was short and boring. It's mostly back story. Also for the first little while there's quite a lack of dialogue on Ashton's part. Also Luke will be properly introduced in chapter 1 wow cool.

Yeah, sorry if this sucked I haven't written in a loonnngg time haha I don't have too many plot ideas for this yet but as far as concept goes I'm on a roll.

You'll find out what happened in Ashton's past that altered his life so greatly later on, although I'm sure you can take your guesses haha

ALSO I HAVE A QUESTION: if you're reading this, would you like there to be Malum??? I personally love Malum but I don't know if I want to add it because i find it feels unrealistic for them all to be gay/bi??? yet more feels with Malum and Lashton together. Idk :(

Thats it for now!! Please vote and comment and all that jazz? Hopefully this book will turn out well lol thank you for reading. :)

-chelsea :)