I Love You As Much As I Hate You

17. No Secrets Left

The next morning, Cloud woke up alone in the bed. Hastily, he looked around but there was no sight of Rain. Although he was quite sick, he knew by heart that he did not hallucinate Rain. She was really there. She came for him. Would it show she was still feeling something for him? Maybe it was not too late for them.

But where was she?

Cloud touched the sheets and found out it was still warm so she could not go far. He jumped out off the bed, not caring about his spinning head, and rushed out from the bedroom almost knocking Rain down.

"Where are you rushing to?" Rain grabbed his arms, helping him to find his balance, "do you need to throw up?" She asked with worry.

Cloud shook his head in negative. "I thought you were gone so I wanted to bring you back," he said softly while holding her hands. His eyes were so full of pain and fear that Rain needed to gulp a few times before answering.

"I'm not heartless you know, I won't leave you when you are sick," she said honestly while taking him back to his bed.

"Then I will never get better," Cloud grabbed her hand, pulling her towards his chest. Rain heard his rapid heartbeat against hers as well as feeling the heat radiating from him. It took all of her willpower not to hug him back.

"You are still feverish," she saved herself from his arms, "lie down, I will bring something for you to eat." She escaped to the kitchen.

When Cloud finished eating, Rain gave him the pill for fever before tugging him under the blanket like a concerned mother.

The second day also went by like the first day. They did not talk about the serious matters as Rain's first priority was Cloud's health. After being sure Cloud was asleep, Rain sat on the chair next to the bed and updated Gray about Cloud's condition. Then she gently put her hand on Cloud's forehead to check his temperature, but her hand could not leave his face; from his forehead, it moved to his cheek and it remained there, liking its place.

When Cloud woke up two hours later, he found Rain sleeping on the chair, her hand still on his cheek. Smiling bittersweetly, Cloud moved Rain to the bed softly, then gathered her sleeping figure into his arms, promising silently never to let her go.

***

"How are you feeling?" Rain asked while checking his temperature for the hundredth time. She did not comment on waking up on the bed although she was asleep on the chair.

"Will you go if I say I am okay?" Cloud trapped her hand between his forehead and hand.

She saved her hand, "we have things to talk first," she said and left the bedroom hastily as it was a dangerous place to be trapped with Cloud.

After a fast and silent breakfast, they sat on the sofa with coffee cups in their hands. From far, they looked like an ordinary couple, but inside, the tension was so apparent that a knife would cut it.

Rain took a sip of coffee before talking, feeling her throat was dry with fear of learning something that she could not handle. She put the mug on the coffee table to hide her shaky hands, "I will save you from the trouble a bit, I already know about what happened two years ago."

Cloud gaped at her with shock, "did Gray tell you?"

"It doesn't matter," she did not want to sell Gray out although it was obvious that it was him who told her. She continued after taking a deep breath, " I want to say sorry for everything before we start. Although I don't remember anything, there is no excuse of what I did to you and your family. I wish someday you can forgive me. I-"

"I already forgave you."

Rain wished that it was true but she was sure Cloud still carried the ghost of the past on his heart. Fighting her tears back, she said "then it is your turn now. Tell me everything, starting from the karaoke bar."

He nodded silently as there was nothing he could do about it now. Taking a deep breath, he said "I was so shocked seeing you in the karaoke bar that night."

"Happy or pissed?" She blurted out.

Cloud dunked his head thinking about his feelings back then. "Both," he said honestly, looking straight into her eyes, "I was too proud to admit that I was happy seeing you alive, so I clenched on my anger."

"Did you arrange that pervert?" There was no need for beating around the bush as it was an interrogation.

Cloud looked at her with unbelieved eyes, "do you really think I am that low?"

Rain heard the agitation in his tone which made her heart softened a bit, "no, I don't think you would act that much despicable, but I have to ask in order to avoid further misunderstandings. Cool?"

Cloud nodded as he was not in a position to negotiate.

"Then you decided to use that pervert to force me to stay with you, right?"

"When Gray told me that he couldn't arrest the guy as his gang members helped him to escape, I really thought he would go after you. But after Gray assured me it wasn't the case, I decided to use it to my advantage, you are right on this part."

"The house burglary?" She was very precise, not missing a point.

Cloud run his hand through his hair, "it was my doing, I am sorry," he said guiltily.

Rain already knew it was his doing, but hearing it from his mouth made her angry as well as disappointed. "But your plan spoiled when you learned that I don't remember a thing, isn't it?" she asked with daggers in her voice.

"Not necessarily, I was actually happy because I could keep you with me this time using my reenactment plan as an excuse."

This time it was her time to gape, but she was faster with re-focusing, "so everything we did together was a part of the plan, even the sex?"

He sighed heavily while shaking his head in negative, "it was the plan but you spoiled it from the very beginning. You did exactly the opposite what Sun did or said, and confused me. You were and still are so different from Sun; so gentle and thoughtful... I am resentful towards Sun but I love you so decided to let go of the past. I made love to you because I wanted to do so, not because of a stupid plan. Please believe me."

The desperateness in his voice made her heart clenched. She shook her head slightly, not knowing what to do. "I don't know... at least for now," she said at the end with a heavy heart. She wanted to believe him but she was scared. If something like this to be happen again, she would lose it completely.

Cloud averted his eyes, being afraid he would cry if he looked at her pretty face. When he spoke his voice was hoarse. "I understand," he said while putting the envelope Kera Wright gave him, "but please stay with Gray for the time being for your safety."

She took the envelope with a frown, "what's this and what do you mean by safety?"

"I met with your brother's wife, she said this money belongs to you. Take the money and please don't ask any further question," Cloud pleaded her.

"You know I will ask further," she gave him a reassuring smile, "what is there to surprise me after all these happenings?"

At the end Rain convinced him and Cloud told her everything he learned from Kera. Rain listened to him with a straight face, but her eyes were showing how much pain she was holding in.

"Now, there is nothing left as a secret between us. So, promise me that you will stay away from Thunder until he dies."

"Don't worry, I have no intention to meet my murderer, but I can't stay with Gray either. I don't want anything tying me to the past."

Although Rain did not actually mean it, Cloud thought she was also including him to the past. Countless daggers pierced through his heart, but he kept his strong demeanour. "Can you at least update me about your doings?"

She nodded before giving him a light kiss on the lips and leaving the flat.