Strawberry Milk - Jeonglix

16

Jeongin didn't know what time it was, but he knew it was after midnight due to how dark his and Seungmin's bedroom had gotten. He'd been asleep but when a loud clattering sound resonated around the room, he was promptly woken up. It became silent again but Jeongin stayed as still as he could, only moving to tighten his grip around Snowy in his arms.

He couldn't see much but he could see the outline of someone moving across the room, walking away from the wardrobe and up to the window, trying to be quiet after their initial mistake of making a sound. The person stopped by Jeongin's bed as if to check he was asleep and Jeongin squeezed his eyes shut, hoping they would go away. He could feel his heart racing and he almost screamed for Seungmin to wake up and protect him until the intruder walked over to the window, near Jeongin's head. They pulled open the curtains and it let some light into the room. Jeongin could finally see who the person was. Seungmin.

He was dressed up in a white shirt, black jeans and a leather jacket. Even his hair was styled with a bit of hairspray and parted in the middle as opposed to his usual fringe. As quietly as he could, Seungmin lifted the window and climbed outside, closing it behind him and...leaving. Seungmin hadn't done anything like that since he left high school two years ago.

Jeongin threw the duvet off his body and walked over to the window with Snowy under his arm. He could see Seungmin running down their driveway and he frowned, reaching for the curtains and pulling them closed once he disappeared into the dead if night. A heavy sigh left Jeongin's mouth as he dropped back onto his mattress.

He hated when Seungmin left him alone at night. When Seungmin used to sneak out two years ago, Jeongin felt so vulnerable, scared and alone. He didn't want to feel the same way now, he wanted to have grown up now that he was seventeen, but the terrifying thoughts of Seungmin leaving him or getting hurt soon started to consume his mind.

His fingers wrapped around Snowy's long ears and he pulled him closer, resting the stuffed animal under his chin. He squeezed his eyes closed, but Snowy wasn't able to provide him with as much comfort as he hoped. The familiar feeling started to come back. He kept his eyes closed and tried to ignore it at first, unwrapping his hands from around Snowy and digging his nails into his palms instead. He hoped to bring himself back before it was too late, but it didn't work. Even when he reached for his toy soldier on his bedside table and squeezed him tightly, nothing worked.

Jeongin's mind slipped into that state again. The world around him was foggy, unreal, and he couldn't do anything about it. His nails kept digging and digging into his palms, desperate for the feeling of detachment to go away...but it remained. He hated it. He hated it with a passion. Sometimes it was comforting to feel like nothing was real, but not now, not when he already felt so vulnerable. A tear slid down Jeongin's cheek and his palms started to sting. He still dug his nails into them until blood started to spill.

🍓🍓🍓

Jeongin didn't get much sleep. He had no idea how long he was in that hazy state but he knew it must have been a while because it only started to stop when Seungmin returned, nearing sunrise. He fell asleep somewhere around six but by seven he was awake again and getting dressed to leave for the park.

Felix didn't arrive at the skatepark until eleven but even when he did, Jeongin didn't notice him. He'd been sitting on the same swing since he arrived at the park, lightly rocking himself backwards and forwards while his eyes focused on the eroded grass below him. When Felix sat down next to him, he thought it was a random kid and didn't pay them any attention until a deep voice made him realise who it was.

"You look sad," he said.

Jeongin's eyes snapped away from the grass and he looked up at Felix's. He was trying to smile but there was worry etched all over his face.