Strawberry Milk - Jeonglix

32

Felix wished nothing had come up when he searched for Jeongin's parent's names on his laptop. He wished there weren't multiple news articles from a couple of years ago, all detailing how Jeongin's father had ended up in prison. He wished those articles didn't involve Jeongin, but they did and Felix didn't know what he was supposed to do with the information he'd found. He couldn't give it to Jeongin. It would ruin him.

It was around one in the morning when Felix finished his internet search. He was sat on his bed with the covers pushed down to his feet due to the summer heat. He slammed the laptop lid shut, plunging himself into darkness and wanting to forget everything he'd just read, but it had imprinted itself at the front of his mind. He didn't know what to do. All he could think of was calling Chan and by that time, tears had already filled his eyes.

He grabbed his phone from his bedside table, hands shaking as he switched it on. The bright light shined on his face, making him squint and the tears spill from his eyes. He found Chan's name in his contacts and started to lie down with his head in the pillow, the number dialling. Felix sniffled, trying to wipe away the tears with his hand before the phone was picked up.

"Lix, what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"Chan," Felix's voice came out as a sob, panicking Chan.

"What happened? Why are you crying?"

"I, um-" Felix tried to explain but he didn't know how. He could only think of one person who could help. "I need- I need to speak to Seungmin. Can I see him tomorrow, please?" He asked, tears falling harder from his eyes.

"Yeah, of course, but what's wrong? Is it something to do with Jeongin?"

"Yeah but...I don't- I don't want to explain. Can you just...stay on the call with me while I go to sleep?"

Chan was worried, but he didn't push the matter any further. "Of course, do you want me to sing you a song?"

Despite Felix's tears, a small smile etched itself on his face. "Yes, please," he whispered, remembering the days he would have sleepovers with Chan and he would sing him to sleep. It took two songs, but Felix's eyes fell shut and a calm feeling passed through his body. His tears slowed as he stopped thinking about what he'd read online and focused on Chan's voice instead. Chan kept singing to him in a quiet, gentle tone until he drifted off and gentle snores could be heard.

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Felix compiled all of the articles he found into a document and printed them off before stapling them together. There was a lot of pages, more than he expected when Jeongin asked him to search for his parent's names. He didn't think he'd be able to share the information with Jeongin though.

He didn't want to read the articles again, but as he made his way down the streets, he found himself doing so. It was awful to read, but knowing it had happened to Jeongin made it so much worse. By the time he was on Chan's doorstep, it was already dark.

When Felix rang the doorbell, Hyunjin opened the door. He grinned at Felix and said, "Hey, little one. Are you here to see Chan?"

"Yeah," Felix nodded, trying his best not to stutter from the nerves.

"I think he's in his room," Hyunjin said, moving out of the way to let Felix past, "but I warn you, he's with his boyfriend. Don't want you walking in on them and hurting your poor, innocent eyes."

Felix nodded, kicking off his shoes by the door and thanking him before rushing up the stairs. Once he reached Chan's bedroom door, he knocked and Chan shouted, "come in!" from the other side.

Seungmin was sitting beside Chan on the edge of his bed. Felix started to feel his hands shake as he closed the door behind him and walked further into the room. When he hovered in front of the two, Chan gave him a sympathetic smile and tapped the space in between him and Seungmin, "sit down?"

"I-I think I'd rather stand," Felix attempted to smile as Seungmin kept his hard glare on him. He stared back with less intense eyes and cleared his throat, "I need to talk to you."

"I heard."

"Oh ok, um, so...do you know what happened to Jeongin when he was younger?" Felix asked, shuffling around his legs which Chan watched closely, looking up at Felix's face with concern every so often.

"Not exactly. I know it was bad though."

"Right, y-yeah, um. Well, he asked me to look up his parent's names and um, there was nothing for his mother because she died when he was young, but I found something about his father and I don't know what to do about it. I was hoping you could help..." he rambled.

"What happened?" Seungmin asked, eyeing the papers in Felix's hands before they were passed to him. He skimmed the first page, Chan shuffling closer so he could read over his shoulder as Felix remained on the spot, playing with his hands.

Seungmin's expressions contoured as he turned each page. Sometimes he looked angry, sometimes he looked shocked, but most of all, he looked upset. Once he reached the last page, he looked up at Felix. "You can't give him this," he said, voice stern, "if he starts to remember what happened after he reads this it could give him false or even real memories and he's not going to be ok. They're going to hurt him terribly. Please tell me you're not seriously thinking about giving this to him?"

"I don't want to hurt him by telling the truth, but I also don't want to hurt him by lying. I don't know what to do," he said, his voice breaking at the end.

"You have to think about what's going to hurt him more, telling him or lying to him?" Seungmin asked. "I know lying is often seen as worse but...I don't want him to get hurt again. He's been through so much already."

"Doesn't he deserve to know though?" Chan spoke up, gaining both Felix and Seungmin's attention, "I mean, I know it's not my place to say but if he wants to know what happened to him, shouldn't you tell him the truth?"

"If it causes him to have a breakdown then no, I don't think we should," Seungmin said, turning back to Felix, "I know it's his life and it sucks that he doesn't know, but please don't hurt him."

Felix felt like he was back at square one. Both options he had could hurt Jeongin, which was the last thing Felix wanted to do. He couldn't begin to imagine how Jeongin would feel if he knew what happened to him. When he left Chan's house that evening, he still didn't know what to do. He couldn't decide which was the better option and there was no clear answer. He walked onto the field, his and Jeongin's, but he sat alone, surrounded by darkness, wishing for Jeongin at his side, but Jeongin couldn't be with him. They couldn't share headphones or drink flavoured milk. Felix had to be alone and he had to make a decision. One with life-changing consequences.

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SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: next chapter it will be revealed what happened to Jeongin, but I cannot stress this enough, if you're sensitive to certain topics PLEASE REFER BACK TO THE TRIGGER WARNINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS BOOK. It's the very first one on the list. If you don't want spoilers and you think you'll be ok, that's fine but it's a lot darker than a lot of you have you been guessing so I'm just throwing that out there. No graphic details but please be careful!