Ps. John is staying in the same house as you and he just left school the year before. This relates to the current pandemic.
"Nope, fuck this I'm done" I slam my computer screen shut and fall back onto my bed.
This whole 'online school' thing is the hardest thing I've done in a while. Sure, it seemed fun being off school for practically a year, staying home, working in the comfort of my cozy sheets but it's been anything but.
I've quickly discovered that I'm the worlds best procrastinator and now, 73 days in I have completely given up.
It's not that I don't want to do it but I can't just write and essay or solve for x all on my own, yeah, my friends have been helpful over FaceTime and things but they're not like me. They don't understand, they can just do it, I can't.
At this point I feel as if I don't really want an education that bad, but other kids elsewhere would kill for what I have.
These overwhelmingly thoughts begin to overload in my head and I feel my face grow in warmth - not only through anger but through the extravagant heatwave that has been thrown upon us, making it that much harder to work-
In rage, I lift up my books and forcefully shove them into my wall, scratching the paint of slightly and ripping some on my books.
"WHY CANT I DO IT!?" My eyes bulge with water and then burst, I smack my head onto my pillow and, face down, begin to cry.
Huffing and hyperventilating in sadness and self pity, I continue to wish my life back to the way it was, me wasting my life away at me biology desk.
My crying doesn't die down until I feel a wavering hand on my back, smoothly rubbing my agitated skin, I already know who it is.
"I know baby, I know" it was John, comforting me.
This wasn't the first breakdown to occur so far but this by a long shot was the worst one.
"I just can't do it John, I'm never going to pass my exams, I'll leave with no qualifications and be useless my whole life" I sobbed, clutching my sheets.
"Now that's just ridiculous, there must be hundreds of people feeling the same thing, life'll soon be back to normal, don't worry."
John pulled an arm over me and I rest my head on his warm chest, syncopating the rise and falls of our chests, increasingly calming me down.
"I just don't know how to force myself to work, it's not easy for me, I'm not smart enough" I whisper as John toys with my split ends.
"Hey hey, you are one of the smartest girls I've ever met, and a devilishly stunning girl at that" he smooches the top of my forehead reassuringly, making me blush. "I know I wasn't any good in school but I'm always here to help. I'll always be here darling"
He embraces me tighter and starts humming a song
If there's anything that you want
If there's anything I can do
Just call on me and I'll send it along
With love, from me to you
Da da da, da da dumb dumb da
Da da da, da da dumb dumb da
"Did you just call me dumb?" I ask sarcastically.
"Oh shut up ye big loon" he laughs.
Okay, life isn't easy now, but it can only get better
X—————————————X
This is exactly how I feel rn, wanted to share.
Also I feel like I've neglected John, oops
Stay safe x
-☀️
