Random book cuz I'm bored

Anyone in my Discord, read this.

Dear discord, (mother russia) and my other online social media platforms,

You cannot stop someone from Suicide who you don't care about,
In this case, you can't stop me.

You say you're here when I feel helpless
If that's true, why don't you help me?

'I'm fine' was a cry for help,
'go away' was a scream for 'stay'
';-;' was always a 'please stop'

I deleted the original mother Russia Because it was breaking everyone,
I left the second one to escape the pain
Now I own the third one and I'm expected to take back responsibility.

You said you were sorry for the pain you caused me,
If you were why are you still continuing it?

Why am I still brought to the place I started?

Don't you think I got rid of the server for a good reason?

Now I'm expected to keep the third one running?

I never wanted to die, I just wanted relief, now I just want to die...

When you figured out I survived an overdose you decided to argue..

And I'm expected to be stable?

As I join the 3rd server, I am greeted with hate.

I'm sorry but I cannot bare the pain anymore.

but all of that,

Is my fault.

I know I'm selfish.

I want love but I reject it when I receive it.

Its because I don't deserve it,

Please don't love me it's a waste.

You say you're here for me but I don't feel like you are.

You give me peace but then you steal it.

You say it'll get better, then all of a sudden everything is positive when I'm depressed,

But when I begin to feel that same feeling, the peace is replaced with arguing, hate, anger, disagreement.

I don't want that.

I scream and yell but I just feel speechless.

Grab my hand, I'm drowning

I feel my heart pounding

Why haven't you found me yet?

I'm not sorry,

I'm suffering.

I have to deal with the overwhelming emotions of 2020, knowing everything I have is about to be taken away from me, and all I can do is curl up in a ball and cry.

None of you cared when I said I was cutting after an overdose.

I'm useless.

I never was cared for,

I left discord for a while and I was worrying 24/7 about y'all,

So I made a new account to check up on y'all, I risked my own social media life for you guys, i may not even got to see you guys again but when I finally achieve my goal I realized.

Nothing changed.

It was like you didn't even noticed I was gone.

So that's why I wanted to restart and help bring positivity,

Take that account to my advantage,

But at the end, I still got to where I began.

A worthless dreg.

You can stop pretending you care now,

You can stop 'worrying'

I can't even leave this Earth no matter how much I wanted to,

But you can't help me,

Because now I know you don't care about me,

I just want to be free...