The Nameless Boy

36: The Eye of the Storm

     I was born of infidelity.

     I found out this new information with the help of my long lost unknown stepsister, who was born about a year before me in a marriage that I now know my mother ruined.  

     What do you do with information like this? I've been thinking and thinking, trying to process it all. I'm at a loss for words. I want to yell at my mother and demand why she kept all of this from me, but I'm drained. I'm numb and overwhelmed by talking with Faye. Daniela was being amazing. She was by my side the entire time; comforting me, bringing me snacks, letting me cry without feeling embarrassed or awkward. Daniela and I have been through everything together. This only made us closer and added to the list of shit we've experienced. 

     Don't get me wrong. I know my life is amazing. I have opportunities waiting for me at CalTech. I have a (now expanded) family that does care for me even though they've all been lying. Darren doesn't even have a family to come home to at all. 

     But it doesn't change the fact that everything's been turned upside down. I felt guilty knowing my mother is half the reason Faye never had a mother figure in her life. I know it's nowhere near my fault, but I can't help but feel bad. 

     I drove home and went to my room without saying anything to my parents. I didn't want to talk. Before I could even get ready for bed, I fell asleep. 

     I woke up to Jamie knocking on my door.

     "What?" I said weakly. 

     "Want some company?" She asked softly.

     "Sure."

     She walked in and sat on my bean bag. We both sighed and didn't say anything for a while. It was actually nice to have her company. I didn't want to be alone right now.

     "How are you doing?" She asked finally. 

     "Not good, James. I found out more shit." 

     "No way..." 

     "Way," I paused, wondering if I should expose the details of what our mom did. I didn't have my mom's side or much context. Maybe she didn't even know my dad was married at the time. The last thing I want is for Jamie to view mom differently or in a negative light. This was my problem, not Jamie's. "I don't want to talk about it." 

     "I can handle it, you know." 

     "I know. I just don't want to talk. I'm exhausted." I said firmly.

     "Okay, I get it." She said in defeat. She was quiet for a moment before speaking. 

     "Arabella?"

     "Yeah?"

     "Are you going to move in with him? Once you get to California?"

     "Maybe. I don't know. He has a house by the beach apparently. I could live there alone."

     "Wow. You kind of have it made. Despite the circumstances. That sounds pretty nice." 

     "It does. I just don't want to feel like a freeloader. Even though he's my dad, it sure doesn't feel like he is. He's practically a stranger. And the more I find out...the more I realize that."

     "It would be nice to visit you and have a whole place to ourselves though." She smiled. 

     "Yeah, it would." I giggled. "of course you'd think of that right away."