One Of A Kind |JJ Maybank|

Chapter 4 - Cali Kook

A/N

Just for your information:

All the main characters like Jo, JJ, Kiara, JohnB, Pope and the main Kook Boys/Girls are all around 17-18 years old!!! 

The story takes place shortly before the disappearance of Big John, therefore also in the year when Kie has her Kook year.

And this is only the first part of the story! ;)

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TW: POSSIBLE MENTION OF ANXIETY, DEPRESSION, MEDICATION USE, SMOKING, STRONG LANGUAGE

I stare at the bottle of pills in my hand.

I don't want to, but I have to.

Unwillingly I open the lid of the bottle that contains chemical happiness, take two of the pills in my mouth and swallow them dry.

I put the bottle next to my jewelry on the sink counter and stare at myself through the mirror.

I watch the small droplets from my still wet long hair run over my naked arms and slowly form a small puddle under my towel-covered body.

I shift my gaze away and look directly at myself through the mirror. The incident in the shower had cost me quite a lot of energy and the pills wouldn't contribute anything positive to my tired state either.

With my fingers, I try to gently wipe away the small amount of mascara that had not come off in the shower before I turn away from my reflection and return to the bedroom.

The last two weeks after my birthday I had repressed a lot. When my aunt asked me if I was doing well and ready to face my past, I had only responded with sarcasm or a simple lie.

I have to blame myself for my current condition and I know that. I know what is wrong with me, but my Aunt D insists that I should work through my traumatic childhood, which was marked by poverty and rebellion, with the help of a therapist who takes what feels like 20 minutes to complete one sentence.

Nervous, anxious, and sad.

This is my current state. I don't need therapy to figure that out.

Who wouldn't feel like that after what happened?

Inside the bedroom, I just drop my towel to the floor and put on my clothes.

My white blouse is replaced by a black bikini top, which could also pass for a crop top, combined with loose cotton shorts. I try to dry my hair as best as possible with my towel and let the rest dry by itself. 

Again I sit down on the huge bed and stare into space. I can't decide if I am tired because of the pills and the journey or if my body is restless.

This is what has always puzzled me about myself. Feelings.

Sometimes I do not understand what my system wants to tell me.

My body tells me I am tired, but my mind demands to go on a trip.

I think this is the only state that is constant and understandable to me. I always feel restless.

Damn, here we go again.

My thoughts are racing, but on the outside there is silence.

I have to get out of here.

Before I fall into a state of panic again, I reach down and rummage through my bag. First I take out my phone, then my headphones, which I immediately connect to the device. I insert the left earpiece into my ear and continue to rummage through the mess. After a while, my fingers finally find the object I was longing for.