Mark Lee x NCT

that one fan

Mark was seriously at his limit today. he knew that he was sensitive today, and didn't want to talk to anyone

when they arrived at the venue he was tense but tried to cover it up with a fake smile. it was convincing enough because suddenly the members lost interest. soon enough the fan sign started and it was going decently.

as planned the fan sign still was going well, despite some uncomfortable questions. that is until someone said something that really fucked with him, "you're starting to look a bit plumper, when are you going to lose all that weight?" Mark clamped his eyes shut. "jesus, you couldnt be more forward could you? i think that's my business and frankly i don't appreciate you asking at all!" he said a little too loud, the fan was shocked and looked uncomfortable. everyone pointed their cameras at mark. a panic settled in his stomach. his lips trembled. he looked at his members, they were looking at him too. In worry and anger they knew was sensitive about his weight they knew that. Right? they couldnt be mad, right? he should leave. he needs to go. get up. run. run. run. he got out of his seat and ran to the bathroom. fuck fuck fuck. what the fuck did he do. fuck. he couldnt breathe. his lungs wouldn't cooperate.

he turned a corner into a 'private' venue bathroom. he looked around and saw a eyebrow shaver, another idol must've left it there. gross. just as he was about to throw the sharp object he pricked his finger, "aish-" he dropped the blade. blood started to collect on the top of his finger. he stared amazed. the blood trickled down his index finger and he just watched it. he watched the blood hit the floor. he pricked himself in the hand multiple times until he heard banging on the door suddenly. his eyes widened, he picked the blade up off of the floor, shoved it in his pocket and he turned on the faucet and tried to get off the blood quickly.

there were no locks on the bathroom door, so a staff member opened the door to Mark trying to get blood off of his hand. "found you-" Mark looked up at him but the staff looked down at the blood on Marks hand. "what's this? did you hurt yourself?" Mark got defensive again, "no! not on purpose, hyung!" the staff decided to ignore that and take bandages out from his bag and put them on Marks fingers, after washing them of course. "hyung, do i have to go back out there?" the staff nodded, "you need to go and apologize, Mark. i know you are embarrassed but it's better to apologize now." Mark nodded, realizing that he had to be mature for a second, he honestly didnt know why he was acting like this. Mark headed for his spot on the stage and grabbed a mic, "hello everyone, um.. i would like to apologize for the situation earlier. im being honest when i say i did get offended by the question. however, i had no right to act out like that. i would personally like to apologize to yejin. im sorry, everyone!" he put down the mic and quite a lot of people shouted, "it's okay!" but he saw the way his members looked at him with disappointment and embarrassment in their eyes. "let's continue." Haechan said, side-eyeing Mark for the rest of the fan sign, but not for the reason Mark thought.

on the way home he got scolded a grand total of 10 different times by 7 different people. he told them many times why he said what he said but they never listened, they never did.

that was the start of it all. a single prick. after getting home mark was changing his clothes and he found the blade in his pocket. he picked it up and looked at it. he was shirtless, in the bathroom. he put the blade to his upper thigh and hissed as he slid the blade against his thigh. it felt weird and didnt bleed the way his finger did. he told himself he would never do that ever again. psht yeah, right.

"Mark focus! seriously, this is driving me insane! cant you do anything right?"There manager raised his voice.The manager was always harsh but mark felt his heart rate speed up. he didnt know why this time he cared but fuck. he didnt mess up again but holy shit it stuck with him. after practice no one talked to him, no one cared enough to. not even Johnny asked if he was okay, which made it hurt so much more. when he got home he read articles about the fan sign incident. fuckin hell, he regretted that as soon as he started reading it. "Mark lee , from boyband from many different groups, yells at fan for caring about his health? on June 3rd..." blah blah blah. "Fans noticed multiple bandages on marks hand when he came from backstage, that was not there before. a few netizens are saying mark did it to himself-" he stopped reading. he felt panic fill every inch of his body, running into the bathroom. he tried to breathe. how the fuck? he didnt.. what..?