Senior Prom

Friday

Perrie,

With you I feel good, with you I feel safe. I couldn't have asked for a better prom date, a better kisser, a kinder beauty. Would you like to go on a date with me? (There's no payment this time though;)

Xx,
Jade

Jade leaves the letter at Perrie's mailbox, then gets back into her car and drives home. She spends the next few hours putting her dress on, doing her hair and applying makeup, then making sure again and again that everything looks exactly the way she wants it to. Perrie and her have only seen each other at school today, and Jade already can't wait to see Perrie's finished look, even in a dress. As they are texting, she asks for pictures, but Perrie teases Jade by saying that she is going to have to wait to see her in person. The time couldn't have passed slower, but finally, Jade gets a text from Perrie saying that Jesy and Chris are almost there to pick her up, and after a couple pictures, they will head out to Jade's house.

Jade and Norma are excitedly waiting, and Jade keeps gazing at the clock. She knows she is probably just overthinking, but it feels like it's been too long. She texts Perrie after a wait, asking where she is at, but there is no reply.

The more time that passes, the worst Jade feels. It sinks in that Perrie is not going to come for whatever reason, and Jade does everything she can to not cry and ruin her makeup. At this point, she could not care less about the prom. She has no interest in what she previously thought it symbolized, she doesn't mind the fact that she will most likely miss it. All she wants is reassurance that Perrie is okay, that she is safe. Without that, her chest is feeling tight, and she is about to break down any minute, because no matter what, Perrie means more to her than she would like to admit.

Norma tries to cheer Jade up, firstly by making it clear that Perrie must have a valid reason, and secondly, by trying to ring Perrie's mother. There is no answer there, either, and her heart is breaking for her daughter who is visibly putting so much effort into keeping it together. Despite Jade's objections, Norma calls Leigh-Anne and briefly tells her about the situation, and Leigh-Anne is quick to come Jade up. Jade doesn't want to go, but she doesn't really have the option of saying no, so she lets herself be led by her best friend. Leigh-Anne's encouraging words fill the silence on Jade's behalf. A thousand scenarios are running through her mind, each one worse than its previous, and it feels like she won't be able to breathe again before she hears something from Perrie.

𐇵

Perrie is sitting at her desk, and the tears are staining her makeup, which she had worked so hard on. She is wearing that dress she never wanted to wear, alone in her room at the time when she was supposed to be with Jade, having one of the most memorable nights of her life. She is desperate to find something that will help her feel like Jade is close to her, so she is holding that lipstick in her hands, the one she kept, even though Jade never told her she could. She remembers that poem Jade keeps quoting to her, and the need to read the complete piece appears in her mind. She searches the lines she can remember on her phone, and easily finds the poem.

My Lover Is a Woman / Pat Parker

I.

my lover is a woman
& when i hold her
feel her warmth
     i feel good
     feel safe

then—i never think of
my family’s voices
never hear my sisters say
bulldaggers, queers, funny
     come see us, but don’t
     bring your friends
          it’s ok with us,
          but don’t tell mama
          it’d break her heart
never feel my father
turn in his grave
never hear my mother cry
Lord, what kind of child is this?

It hits too close to home. Perrie can't keep reading. She closes the poem, and instead, finally gets back to Jade. She can't even imagine how hurt Jade might be, about her never showing up without a warning, and the prom having started an hour ago. Jade answers right away, and for one terrible minute, all she hears are Perrie's sobs.

"Do you want me to come over? What happened?" Jade asks. Her voice is extremely panicked and it's a direct hit at Perrie's heart.

"Jade, my mom found your letter," Perrie says through the tears, and her words are almost inaudible.

"Shit, Pez, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, I never meant to-"

"It's not your fault, it's okay," Perrie tries to calm her down, although nothing about the tone of her voice indicates that she is fine. "She would have found out sooner or later anyhow, I've been hiding a lot for the past few years, I knew it couldn't last forever. I just wish it didn't happen like that, not today at least. I was looking forward to today."

"I know," is all Jade says. She feels terrible, because no matter how many hard Perrie is going to insist it isn't her fault, she should have known better.

"I was looking forward to seeing you," Perrie continues, and she still sounds emotional, but it seems like she had stopped crying, which is a great relief to Jade.

"I know you were," Jade repeats. "Do you need a place to stay, Pez? You know you're always invited to my house, right? Do you want me to come pick you up?" Jade swiftly asks, and Perrie can almost see her already running to get her car keys

"No, it's okay," Perrie assures Jade. "I mean, she's really upset, and I know she's wondering where she's gone wrong with me, but she will be okay with it eventually, I think. I'm going to try to give it a little time, I want to give it a chance first. It's more about fear than anything else."

"Alright," Jade says with a sad smile. "You're right. It could take some time, but once she gets used to the idea, everything will work out."

"I hope so," Perrie answers, then changes the subject. Hearing Jade's voice is enough to soothe her, and she doesn't want to talk about how miserable she is feeling anymore. "Are you in the school? Please tell me at least one of us is having fun tonight," she sniffs her nose and then laughs lightly.

"I am. Leigh picked me up against my will when she realized I wasn't going to go. But I'm not having any fun at all," Jade quietly tells Perrie in a sad tone.

"You should be having fun, Jadey. It's the only senior prom you'll ever get," she reminds Jade, and for the first time in what feels like way too long, a smile appears on her lips.

"Not when you're sad," Jade argues. She thinks of how absurd that is that she had only approached Perrie five days ago, and in such a short amount of time, had grown so attached to her.

"I'm a bit down, but I know I got you, so it will be okay. I feel good, I feel safe," she says, and knows that this is exactly what Jade needs to hear. She truly wants Jade to make the best out of the night she has waited for for so long, and will not compromise on any less.

𐇵

Jade was on her own that night, possibly for the first time ever. As her worst fear turned into a reality, it turned out that it wasn't as bad as thought. Leigh-Anne had Andre, but she also made plenty of time for Jade. And when she did dance with Andre, Jade learned that she wasn't as lonely as she imagined she would be in this situation. She has friends she only talks to at school, and actually quite enjoyed getting to know them a bit more. Senior prom was nothing like Jade wanted it to be, but it was a success.

Her date with Perrie with postponed for a week or so, since Perrie wasn't allowed to leave the house unless it was for school. It was hard, but they learnt to appreciate seeing each other every day in between classes. Eventually, just like Jade had said, Debbie got used to the idea. A few months later, Jade was again invited to Perrie's house. It was a bit awkward at the beginning, but it went smoothly, and Perrie was ecstatic. The more time that passed, the more it felt like things were falling into place. Jade and Perrie never left each other side, where they felt safe. And still do.

𐇵

So that is the end of this story. Hope you enjoyed!

Please please check out the full poem by Pat Parker. I'm not going to put it here, because honestly it's very hard to read (because of how real it is), but it's so powerful, and sadly, so relevant.

Thank you for reading! Happy pride month<3