Senior Prom

Wednesday

Jade is yet to fail in making Perrie feel wanted. They have known each other for such a brief time, but neither one of them seems to want to leave the other's side. After Perrie's conversation with Jesy yesterday, she had only became more confident in her desire to be closer to Jade. So she had worked up the courage to ask Jade to come to her house after school and help her with her English homework. Perrie is failing that class, she knows she could actually use some help, but it's not going to come from Jade. The reason for that is that whenever Jade is around, Perrie cannot focus on anything else. And now, when Perrie directly admits it, she can see that Jade is actually the reason why she hasn't been successful in English in the first place.

"This stuff is so boring," Perrie tells Jade when Jade is done telling her about the story behind a poem that will be on the next exam. They are sitting at the desk in Perrie's bedroom, and Jade is trying to be serious and actually teach, but Perrie is having none of it. She's not being impatient towards Jade, but towards the poems, and Jade is rather amused. "Can we take a break?"

Three days days into their friendship, Jade has already noticed how she can never say no to Perrie. So she tells her that a break would be alright, that it's good to let her mind rest, and Perrie gets up and walks to the bed. She lies on it on her back, and Jade is debating on how to react. They are physically far now, with Jade still sitting at the desk, and it doesn't feel right. So Jade leaves her seat as well, and lies next to Perrie on the bed. They are both starting at the ceiling as Jade begins speaking.

"Poetry can be interesting, you know? There are some really amazing pieces, I wish they would have taught us these at school instead," Jade quietly says. Only a few people know how much she adores reading and enjoys writing. She had never told Jed any of that.

"Well, do you know any amazing pieces?" Perrie asks out of curiosity. She turns her head towards Jade, and studies her delicate facial features. It feels weird, being this close to her, but she would give anything to stay here forever.

"I do," Jade replies, then turns her head to look at Perrie as well. "There's this American poet I love, her name was Pat Parker. She was insanely talented," Jade elaborates, and it's the first time Perrie has seen her talk about something she truly cares about. It's an enchanting sight.

"She was?" Perrie wants Jade keep talking, and continue to watch her while she does so.

"There are some parts of my favorite one of hers that I remember by heart," Jade tells Perrie with a proud smile. "The whole poem is long, and it talks about racism, and homophobia, but I memorized the happy parts."

"Can I hear?" Perrie shyly requests, and a few moments pass before Jade's voice fills the air.

"My lover is a woman, and when I hold her, feel her warmth, I feel good, feel safe," Jade quotes with a slightly unstable voice. She is looking into Perrie's eyes, and is flooded with countless unexplainable emotions that she has absolutely no control over, and no idea how to handle. She knows how this poem goes, she knows it is a bad idea reading it to Perrie, of all people, but she wants to do it so badly. "My lover’s hair is blonde, and when it rubs across my face, it feels soft, feels like a thousand fingers touch my skin and hold me, and I feel good. My lover's eyes are blue, and when she looks at me, I float in a warm lake, feel my muscles go weak with want, feel good, feel safe."

"Do you? " Perrie says after a long moment of silence, and Jade isn't sure of what to reply, so she waits for Perrie to say more. "Do you feel safe?" Jade thinks that yes, here with Perrie, she does, but she is not going to say that out loud. She had already possibly crossed the line by reading out the poem, and doesn't want to go any further for now.

"Mhm," is all Jade tells Perrie in response, and creates another silence. It's not awkward or uncomfortable, but a needed one. They both have a lot to process, so many unidentified feelings that demand to be named. Jade is getting lost in her own thoughts, and turns her head to stare at the ceiling again. She has no idea what needs to be said or done right now, so she stays still and waits. She can feel Perrie moving, and can see her in the corner of her eye. Though Jade keeps her gaze up, and is surprised to feel Perrie's lips on her neck. It's a soft and gentle kiss, but enough to make Jade feel so good she can do nothing but close her eyes and take in the feeling, memorize the touch. Footsteps down the hall can be heard through the closed door, and Perrie immediately backs away. She gets off of the bed and returns to the desk, her moves too quick for Jade to even understand.

Perrie starts reading out a poem out of the open literature book, and Jade begins to realize what's going on when a hand is pressed onto the handle from the other side of the door. Jade knows it is unlikely considering how delicate the kiss was, but she is concerned about the possibility that perhaps Perrie has left a mark on her neck. So she quickly turns to lie on her side, with the area Perrie had kissed pressed onto her pillow. The door is opened, and a blonde woman Jade assumes is Perrie's mom appears behind it, carrying a large plate and wearing a kind smile.

"Sorry to bother you girls," she tells Jade and Perrie, and Perrie stops reading and looks at her with a fake grin. She tries to appear as innocent as possible, and actually seems to be successfully fooling her mother. "You must be Jade, right? So nice to see you! I just thought you might be hungry, so I brought you some snacks. What are you girls doing?" She continues and puts the plate on the desk, next to the book Perrie was reading from.

"Jade was just quizzing me on something we learned in English," Perrie lies, and Jade holds back her laughter. Perrie is a bad liar, that's one thing Jade has just learned. Her body language pretty much gives it off, but Debbie doesn't suspect a thing.

"Oh, I won't bother you two then, good luck!" Debbie wishes the two girls and walks out of the room. she closes the door after her, leaving Jade and Perrie alone again, but it's not the same. Perrie isn't the same.

"I'm so sorry about that kiss," she quietly says, and Jade can tell that she is about to cry. "I'm so, so sorry, I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have done that." She sounds so helpless and miserable, and Jade can't stay this far. She walks to her and hugs her from behind, and Perrie melts into her touch, but she doesn't look at her.

"Don't apologize, please," Jade tells Perrie using the same tone. She feels just as guilty as her, maybe even more, like she should.

"You have a boyfriend, for fuck's sake. So that's cheating and I shouldn't have felt like it was okay to do it, not even for a second," Perrie keeps apologizing. She remembers what Jesy had told her, about Jade wanting her to be the reason to initiate a break up with Jed, but it doesn't make her feel any better. As long as they are still officially together, it's wrong and hurtful and definitely shows that neither of them should be trusted.

"It's just not your fault, Pez," Jade tries her best to calm Perrie down, but only makes things worse when this nickname she had thought of yesterday night just slips out of her lips. Perrie thinks she's done something horrible, although what Jade has done is so much worse; but she can't tell Perrie that. "I was totally going there with this poem, I know I was, I shouldn't have done what I did." Perrie's tears wet Jade's arms, but she just holds her tighter. "Don't beat yourself up for it, okay? I promise it's not your fault, I absolutely promise." Perrie doesn't reply, but she is listening, and Jade knows that that's the best she can get now, so she is satisfied with that.

"You should go home," she tells Jade through the tears. Jade loosens her grip, but she stays there and waits for Perrie to regret and take back her words. Unfortunately, she doesn't.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow at school," she says and completely lets go of Perrie. She takes a few minutes to gather her things, then quickly fixes her makeup and leaves. On the way out, she sees Debbie cooking at the kitchen.

"Thanks so much, it was really nice meeting you. You have a lovely daughter," she tells her, and Debbie lovingly thanks her and opens the door for her. Jade gets into her car and drives home. It's harder than it usually is, because tears are clouding her eyes and emotions are blurring her judgment. She is thankful the roads are clear at this hour and that she made to her house in one piece, and after parking, she doesn't get out of the car. She can't walk in looking like a mess and alarming her family, so she spends the next few minutes focusing on her breathing. She is getting physically better, but her feelings are still all over the place as she picks up her phone to call Leigh-Anne.

"Leigh?" She says into the phone when her best friend picks up.

"Jade? Is everything okay?" Leigh-Anne worriedly asks and Jade feels bad for concerning her.

"Yeah, it's just that… I was at Perrie's house, and she kissed my neck, and then she started crying because she felt bad," Jade confesses. "Now I feel so guilty, because I was very obviously leading her on, and I don't know what to do."

"I think you should tell her the truth, Jade."