To Write Love on Her Arms

Lost~

For a long time I craved to fit in. I think all of my life growing up that was my goal. That was my •only• goal. I didn't care what my grades were or what made me happy...it was all about pleasing everyone around me...even if I had to lie. I was always trying to make my life sound so much better than it really was...and I was always trying to become someone that I wasn't...someone that I would never be. But I did what I had to do to fit in, because that's just what every teen girl wants right? Was to be able to fit in and be in the "popular crowd" and to never be judged...But it wasn't just the girls I wanted to fit in with it was also the guys...so at the age of 13 I started wearing push up bras, low V neck shirts, shorter shorts, & lots more makeup. But that's where I went wrong...I was getting attention but not the way i wanted to...i got it in a negative way...any guy that would text me would just ask for pictures...when I "dated" a guy all he ever talked about was having sex. I seemed "easy" to every guy...I hated it. So I changed again...and again...and again. And eventually I lost Chanel. I couldn't find the little girl my mom raised. And I didn't know how I was ever going to find myself in the huge mess I had created...and things just fell apart from there. I was in a very low point in life...and now I wasn't just cutting... I started taking pills and smoking. It was my only go to. My friends weren't enough. I could never tell them my secrets. They didn't know how much I cut...or how many pills i took...or how much I was dying inside. I was so done with life...and the struggle was never ending. I was hurting myself so much. I was tearing myself apart little by little...I wanted to die more than I wanted anything else in the world. And it hurt. It hurt to think of what I had become...I didn't recognize myself...

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Thanks for being patient with me guyssss
Love y'all and happy holidays 🎄🎅🎁🎊