diamond eyes | a.i.

one

"how long will you be gone again?"
"not long.11 months tops."
"that's too long."
My eyes itched. It felt like I was about to cry again but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't cry in front of him. It made it even worse that I had cried all night last night and the night before. I had lost track of days, my hair was a mess. I was refusing to take my a.d.d. and depression meds, which made me even more of a confused, emotional, train wreck then usual. He took my hand and twirled me around, trying to get me to smile. I wasn't buying it. not one bit. I stopped and stood with my back to him.
"Eden G. please." he begged.
I turned, the sudden use of my middle initial, gained my attention.
"What if you forget me?" I questioned, stepping towards him. I fiddled with my necklace. There was a small ball shaped charm with the map of the world etched across. Alongside the new addition of the small, silver letter 'A' charm hanging next to it.
"What if you find some other girl? someone who's prettier and smarter- Ash, that's not hard, finding someone better."
"Eden Genevieve, there's no way I'd ever find someone greater then you, and how would I ever forget about you?"
I shrugged as his arms snaked around my waist and pulled me into a hug.
"I love you Eden."
"I love you so much more."
He backed me up against the wall and crashed his lips into mine. He pulled away and I found my hands on his cheeks. I tucked a strand of hair out of his face,
"I'm gonna miss you."
"I'm sorry," he whispered. Tears slipped down my cheeks and he quickly wiped them away with his thumb. "Eden, Honey."
My back slid down the wall and I sat with my head on my knees. "I'll call every night. I'll try and visit as much as I can."
I shook my head and I felt him sit down in front of me. A few seconds later he started singing,
**
A drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
I don't wanna waste the weekend
If you don't love me pretend
A few more hours then it's time to go
As my train rolls down the east coast I wonder how you keep warm
It's too late to cry
Too broken to move on
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
Misplaced trust in old friends
Never counting regrets
By the grace of God I do not rest at all
And New England as the leaves change
The last excuse that I'll claim
I was a boy who loved a woman like a little girl
And still I can't let you be
Most nights I hardly sleep
Don't take what you don't need from me
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my...
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No, no
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
No, no
Heaven doesn't seem far away
Oh, oh
It's just a drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most 'cause you are my heaven
You are my heaven
**
Of course he had to sing our song, and make me feel 80 times worse. When he was finished I looked up to see his
hazel eyes looking back at me.
"Come on let's get to bed." He held his hand out and helped me up. He started to walk towards the stairs, then turned to me, realizing I wasn't following.
"Why aren't you coming?" He looked hurt.
"It's 11pm. In less then 4 hours you'll be gone. Do you expect me to sleep on that?"
"Eden, babe-"
"Ash, just forget about it, go on up to bed."
"But I-"
"Ash, you need your rest. Just go." He thought for a second then continued up the stairs, looking upset.

Two hours later I was sitting on the living room floor, flipping through photo albums, sipping a cup of tea.
"What are you still doing up?"
I looked up to find Ashton leaning over the banister of the stair case. His eyes were red and his hair was a mess.
"if I wasn't in bed, where did you think I was sleeping? and nevermind me, why are you still up?"
He shrugged,
"I don't know, I figured guest bedroom. But I haven't been able to sleep so I just got up for some water."
"oh," I continued flipping through my current photo album, studying the old pictures of Ashton and I, usually squished together in a hug. Some were from concerts, others were at airports, before and after getting back from tour. Some were from dates, or when we bought the new house. He came over and sat next to me, watching over my shoulder.
"I suppose we should get one last picture for the hell of it?" He picked up an old polaroid camera that'd been sitting on the shelf next to the albums. He spun it around and flicked up the flash.
"Three- Two-" He clicked the camera and the flash nearly blinded us in the dim living room. The picture slid out of the slot and I caught it, shaking it back and forth. The picture developed to a slightly blurry image of Ashton and I looking high as kites. Our eyes were red and squinty from lack of sleep and we were both caught off guard by the extremely bright light.
"that's a keeper!" Ashton chuckled sticking down the picture in the most recent photo book.
"another?" I said quietly. He nodded.
"What this time?" he smiled, holding the camera back up. I basically threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him. I didn't kiss him, although I certainly did think about it. I just hugged him. His hugs were one of my favorite things and I wouldn't be getting another of them till next year. I heard the camera click, but I didn't let go. I didn't want to. I could've hugged him forever, if time were to allow.
"I love you Eden." I tried to will myself not to cry but tears slipped down my cheeks.
"I love you so so much." I sniffled, holding him even tighter. I was interrupted by the camera on the floor which produced the 'clink-swoosh', sound of the photo shooting out of the camera. Ashton picked it up and shook it back and forth until the film started to reveal the small, somewhat shaky, picture of us. Ashton had his eyes closed but his usual, sweet, happy-go-lucky, grin plastered across his face. His hair was curlier then usual and hanging in his face. I was just a small tangle of hair in a pink sweatshirt, nestled between Ashton's collarbone and his chin.
"This ones got to be my favorite." he giggled, taking a picture of it with his phone. I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He smiled, stood up, and took my hand, sitting me up on the couch. He walked to the kitchen with my empty tea cup and returned seconds later with it filled to the brim. He sat the tea cup on the side table next to me and covered me up with a blanket. My eyes felt heavy and I fought to stay awake, knowing that if I fell asleep now, he'd be gone when I would wake up. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and mumbled softly, as if reading my mind, "Just go to sleep Eden." I made a face and whispered, "No, you have to leave soon." He moved his thumb across my cheek, "that's not important love, what's important is you get your rest." I blinked slowly. Then finally I fell asleep, for the first time in days. I fell asleep the way you fall in love, slowly, then all at once.
((fault in our stars reference! aye wassup))