For All Life Has to Offer

Box of Secrets Pt. 1

Here lies my box of secrets; buried in my heart and mind and yet I've decided to open the lid enough for the demons of my past to swirl around us in a menacing and overwhelming sort of way. Even for me this is too much and I've already faced these demons many times before and without the company of anyone else. I'm sorry I'm showing you this, I can see it in your face, the uncertainty. I've been working on things; I swear I have; taming these demons so the box stays locked and under my control but I need you to know what lies inside if you are going to stay.

I'm a broken thing. My mother and I used to laugh about how damaged our cargo were and how we only seemed to attract the strays of the world. however lately, this notion hasn't brought to me the familiar laughter but rather a surge of hopelessness. Hopelessness that I can never be anything better than what I already am.

I don't mean to sound so melodramatic and sappy but as the demons I've kept hidden for so long swirl faster and faster around my head and the words fall out of my mouth in a state of vulnerability, it's hard not to be honest about it all. I've let the cat out of the bag, I've opened a can of worms and stopping the stream now that it's started is seemingly impossible. I guess you're getting it all today.

I can see it in your face, the more I share the more my mind tells me its too much and I should stop. It's like I said though, I've held this back for so long now that all of it is flowing out and I can't seal the box back up fast enough. I'm losing you; I know it.

I'm being selfish now I know this is too much for you and your heart is breaking for me but it feels so good to let it out. You haven't told me to stop yet but I know it coming and I don't know if even then I can stop it. The demons flash images of things I've long tried to forget and even things that I didn't remember ever happening until this moment. I've opened the box and I'm reaching the bottom, finding old memories that I've shoved so far back that I didn't ever expect to recall ever again.

And you're getting it all. The first person I've trusted enough to open up the box in front of and I've made a grave mistake here today, I'm going to chase you away with it all. For that I am sincerely sorry, I wish I could stop.