Balanced Out // TodoDeku (On Hold Until My Writer's Block Swallows a Toaster)

Make It Official (Midoriya's POV)

"I love you, Izuku..."

As he utters those words, the butterflies in my stomach eat away at my insides and I feel like I'm gonna hurl. I can't bring myself to say anything back. Our bodies are in complete contact with each other, which is throwing me off completely. Why does he have to do this to me? Why?

I open my mouth to speak and try, in vain, to say something, but I can't even force words out of my mouth. I close it, giving up. He holds me in his embrace for a while longer. A while being, like, 2 minutes, but for me, it feels like I've been in his arms for years. I hate that I can't tell him everything right here and now. It seems like such the perfect time to say everything that I need to say to him, but I'm speechless and I can't ruin this. Whatever this is. I can't screw it up now.

He lets go of me and smiles.

"W-we should probably head back..." he says, holding his hand out for me to take.

I nod, still unable to object. I don't really want to, but I take his hand anyway.

"M-Midoriya...are you alright?"

"Hah?"

"You're trembling..."

I can speak, but I choke on my words.

"Oh...I'm fine, I'm just a little nervous about...everything today..." 

Again...it isn't a complete lie.

"Don't be. There isn't anything to be worried about, okay?"

I nod and we climb into his car.

He drives us out to a beach unexpectedly.

"Uhm...what's this?" I ask.

"Well...I just...thought that maybe we could spend the day here. I've...only ever been to the beach once so...why not?" he states with a weak smile. "I think swimming may refresh you a bit. Just the sound of the ocean calms me down when I'm stressed, so it may help with whatever you were nervous about."

"Haha...fair enough. Okay, let's go!" I reply, feeling a rush of determination and energy shoot through my veins. "But...how are we supposed to swim without swimsuits?"

He gets out of the car.

I follow suit, confused as to what he's doing.

"Like this," he says bluntly before stripping down to just his underwear.

My face turns bright red and my eyes widen. I freeze up for a second and look up at him.

He has a completely straight face and doesn't seem to be affected by what he just did right in front of me.

"Your turn," he mutters.

My face turns a deeper red.

"Wha-- a-are you sure about this? I-I mean things like this are really embarrassing to do in public, y'know!" I stammer chaotically.

"I don't see the problem with it. Here, I can help you if you want so you don't have to do it yourself."

Todoroki walks behind me, placing his hand on either set of my ribs. He drags his hand down along my side and to my hips. They slide back up, taking my shirt with them. I shudder, but I let him remove my shirt. He grips my waistband and that's when I get alarmed.

"I-I-I can do t-that part myself," I stutter. God, my teeth are like jackhammers.

He lets go and backs up without another word.

I hesitantly remove my pants and kick off my socks and shoes.

We enter the water shortly after.

You're wasting your time.

I swim around the water silently.

You shouldn't be here.

I dunk myself under water and remain there.

No one wants you here. Leave.

Despite what I'm being told, I stay there with Todoroki until dark.

Once we make it back to the dormitory, I feel an unsettling presence creeping along my back.

Leave him alone. He doesn't deserve this. It's not fair to him if you stay and bother him any longer.

"I'm gonna head in for the night...I'm tired after all that swimming," I chuckle.

He doesn't love you, Izuku. No one could ever love someone as pathetic as you.

"Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow?" he responds, smiling.

He doesn't want to see you ever again.

I leave him and head to my dorm.

Give up, Izuku.

I arrive at my dorm room and enter it quietly.

Nobody wants you anyway.

"Shut up already...I'm so sick of you..." I mutter, closing my dorm door behind me.

 Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice.Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice. Nobody will notice.

And nobody will ever care.

Before I know it, I find myself leaning my elbows against the rail of the balcony, staring down at how high up I am...

All of my thoughts rush back to me in one pounding headache of screams.

I think it's high enough...

I hope it's high enough...

I begin to climb up onto the rail.

"Midoriya!"

I hear Todoroki's voice behind me and flinch, stopping dead in my tracks.

"W-what are you doing...?" he asks, his voice quivering and breaking.

I lower myself back onto the balcony and stare out in front of me. I don't dare look back at him right now.

"S-sorry...haha, this is awkward..." I say nervously. I force out a guilty laugh.

He repeats his question more sternly.

I wince.

I brace myself and turn around...

The pain on his face is almost unbearable. All of my memories with him flood into my head one-by-one like a collage of pictures on my phone. I tear up and stare into his eyes

He's about to cry himself, but he's forcing himself not to.

I sigh and walk over to him. He hugs me as soon as I'm close enough and I can feel his tears dripping onto my shirt. He couldn't contain it anymore.

"Todoroki, I...well, um..." I start, my voice shaking. "I...guess it's time t-to tell you...you deserve to know anyway..."