Tumblr's Magnetic Attraction

4. So... I Guess Were Done?

I'm going to pretend that I am you
Bottled up, scribbled as I tremble
In fear of the right
But in regret of the wrong
The eyes of a bat
You're playing a conflicting song

Here.... and there.... and far out...
And... you
You got smiles of residue
Alone inside a dark obis
You're trying to find the light
It's sitting in your hand

Pretending to be you, I see a punch
Directed towards them
Constantly getting you as you lie
Hopelessly on the ice, cold floor
Feeling for someone to hold onto
Their right in front of your face

Your dependency is pathetic
And your behavior is erratic
It remains unseen as you didn't
But you isolate yourself
And you pretend like you wouldn't

It's all the same lies
They are eating at your brain
You look ignorant
But your full of plain sight knowledge

Look... I'm pretending to be sad
Pretending to know you
Pretending to be interested in you
Pretending to mock you

And you, my lifeless friend
Are pretending that you don't know
That I am here...
Terrorizing your amazing life

** **

"She isn't a-a very nice lady.... she she is with my kids. I-I can't believe it," Erin's mom says to me. Both of us are sitting down on her couch and she is sober at this moment. "I married that man with full fledge faith that he'd be the love of my life forever."

"Okay, well, that sucks, but I have some good news," I say and she just looks at me, blankly. "Now that jerk is out of your home."

"With my kids," she says.

"Yeah, but you can get them back if you sharpen up," I say, afraid to say the word alcohol. "If you do that, you'll be a much better parent than that jerk and his young fiancé."

For the past few weeks, Erin and I have been taking care of his mom. We barely talk to each other, when we do it's to ask for something small that would benefit his mom. So... we have been a little distant. The other day, we were at the skatepark. We lied in the middle of the half pipe like we usually do and we didn't say a word to each other. My head rested on his chest like the usual. His eyes were lifeless, staring up at the sky like the blue was a goddess or something.

We literally said nothing.

Maybe we were afraid that if we did. It would turn into some silly argument.

Lately, I have been crying myself to sleep. It's only once in a while that I fall asleep without crying. I am not entirely sure why, to be honest, but I do know that one thing is for sure.

I am not happy.

I write on my blog time to time, but I feel like I have to work in order to make it happy and not depressing. I've read something in my inbox and it read:

I have read your blog since 2013 and I can tell you for a fact that something is wrong here. You use to have a new entry up at least once a day, but now I am lucky to get one once every other week. Plus, your writing is going down hill. Your heart isn't in this anymore and it's breaking mine. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but just get well soon... for me.... a complete stranger.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but whatever.

I do know that I haven't been eating. Not because I'm going bulimic or even anorexic, but because I don't feel like it.