As painful as love usually is we never stop seeking it. Love in family, love in friends, love in strangers, love in animals.....We just crave the feeling of not only being loved but reciprocating it. I had reserved my heart for my boyfriend for two years now, all while dealing with teenage problems and a ever persistent addiction to Xanax and sex; both of which I'm still addicted to. It seemed the only addiction that truly bothered me though was him. All of him. The curve of his smile, his husky laugh always present, his unblemished smooth skin that I on many occasions infused with my own scarred flesh but most importantly his eyes; shimmering brown pools of weakness and heart melting glares that could make every hair on my body stand at attention. I had to now think of his whereabouts and the people he had chose to associate himself and his perfection with; the new foes commissioned to replace me. The curiosity had died after nearly two years of no communication with him at a drug party in a undisclosed bar. I had bumped into nearly sixty people that night but his warm hand on my shoulder was the only touch I truly felt. "You look handsome." He said with a toothy grin receiving shocked puppy eyes in return. " I didn't know you like drugs." I replied with a lack of elegance but still causing a chuckle of delight. I forget if I was with somebody at that moment but if I was this is my apology for leaving you alone like that. I was a moth to his flame and nothing would stop me from being incinerated even if it was going well it wouldn't be...PERFECT. The recap of our lives was fluent and precise, everything had connected seamlessly. He left Nassau after graduating to study abroad and was now on his final year of high school like I was; our mutual love for basketball was very much alive but his love for another was even stronger than that. The words "girlfriend", "three months", "future" and "in love" seasoned doubt and resentment in my heart. On the outside he was happier, more robust and glowing but his eyes were deceitful his words sounded memorized more than human. Was it all an act? I can't say for sure, but these thoughts still were princed by the sole question of his love for me. He changed drastically and so could his thoughts and basic human emotions. Our time had come to an end with a simple "Hey you ready to go"? Emanating from a curvy dark-skinned girl from behind us. This was the moment I knew, his facial expression grew weary...This was not happiness. I tried to embrace him one last time trying to hotwire a connection that was running on fumes. It aided me not and again I was left with the question of his love for me, too ashamed to be direct yet too irritated to be inconspicuous. He took this hint in stride and only returned somber eyes, and with not a utterance he had turned and disappeared from view with his girlfriend. I was enraged and began downing the contents in my pocket at an alarming rate. I was intent on death, the same word his feelings for me had experienced. This was the end for both of us.
YOU ARE READING
Joquena
RomanceWith millions of thoughts littered about our minds, we continue our days never remembering why we cried on certain nights or omit the ability to recall events that made us who we are. I have spent years of my short life searching for who I am but I...
