Close As Strangers ▹ Cake

p. one: monophobia

[ Invisible by Dandelion Hands. THE PICTURE LOOKS LIKE CAKE OMG. ]

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PART ONE: MONOPHOBIA

The first time Calum ever had a panic attack over someone being too far away from him was when he was thirteen. It was his first day at Norwest Christian College and he was ridiulously nervous to be starting the eighth grade at a new school.

His mum dropped him off at the front of the school, wished him good luck and told him he'd make plenty of friends. He watched his mother drive off down the street before turning around with a gulp. There were a few students walking up the pathway into the school and a school bus was just pulling up, letting approximately thirty kids off.

It was then that Calum started to feel the anxiety, the nerves and the fear all built up inside of him. He let out a gasp, realising that he wasn't breathing, but no oxygen would enter his body. He heaved and leant against a nearby pole, trying desperately to catch a breath as tears began to sting his eyes.

At the time he had no idea it was a panic attack. He was beyond confused as to why he was acting out the way he was and as to what caused. Well, he has a pretty good idea: the fear of starting at a new school.

The students that had got off the bus passed by him, some ignoring him, some giving him weird glances and others laughing. Calum wanted to ask for help but he couldn't - the words wouldn't escape his mouth.

Two feet stepped into his vision. The brunette lifted his head to find a blonde boy with concerned blue eyes looking down at him.

"You okay, dude?" he asked.

Calum shook his head, his vision suddenly going blurry as the world began to spin. He had never passed out before. In fact, if that was what passing out felt like than he prayed for anyone who had ever passed out before because it's absolutely awful.

"Holy crap," the boy said. "You're having a panic attack."

Calum nods, even though he wasn't sure if that was even what was happening to him. All he knew was that he couldn't breathe and he was freaking out and he wanted his mum, as sad as that sounds. He just wanted his mum.

"Come here," the boy started again, grabbing Luke's arm and dragging him to the ground, where he sat him down and sat across from him. "Look at me, mate. Just focus on my voice, my eyes. Focus on one thing and just keep focusing until you've settled down."

Calum tried what he said. The blonde continued to talk and Calum focused on his voice. He listened to how smooth the boy's voice was, but he also noticed the roughness in the back of his throat. He listened to how the boy's voice would crack every few words, a sign of puberty. Calum focused on the words he was saying. He just focused.

It wasn't until the boy said, "You did it," that Calum realised he was no longer crying and finally had some oxygen in his body.

Once he thought that his voice would be alright, he made eye contact with the blue eyed boy, muttering a, "Thank you."

The boy smiled. "I'm Luke."

"Calum."

"You must be new, correct?" Luke asked, grabbing Calum's elbow and standing him up. "And I'm also guessing you're not really good at dealing with new situations."

"That was actually the first time that's ever happened to me," Calum mutters.

"Well, I'm glad to help. Come on, Cal - I'm calling you that from now on, by the way." Luke was weird to Calum, but the brunette liked it. He liked how different Luke was. "Stick with me, kid, and you'll never have another panic attack again."

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It wasn't until the doctor told Calum yesterday that he suffered from a phobia known as monophobia that Calum realised he's had it since he was thirteen - since that first time he had a panic attack. And he also realised that he didn't have a panic attack because he was scared of starting at a new school, but because his mum wasn't with him. He had literally spent the whole summer before school started with her, so to be away from her all of a sudden frightened him.

He's still trying to process the thought, but it makes sense. He gets used to being around someone so much that when they're away he can't handle it. Luke was his anchor; the person who helped him get over his fear of what he thought was going to a new school, but was in fact being away from his mum. And then when Luke went away Calum lost his anchor.

"Are you going to eat your food?" Calum snaps his head to the source of the voice - Michael. "You have to, Cal."

Calum looks down at the plate on his lip. He has vegetables, mashed potato and a steak drowned in gravy. It makes him feel sick. He wants to reply to Michael - he really does - but it's as if his body is constantly having a panic attack. He's constantly having trouble breathing and doesn't feel like he can talk. The only way he is probably getting oxygn right now is by the machines and tubes in his nostrils.

Michael sighs, realising that his friend isn't going to reply.

Calum feels bad. He's been feeling terrible about what he's done to his friend lately. He shouldn't be letting one boy do this to him. He didn't ask for this. He didn't ask for monophobia. He didn't ask for Luke to come into his life and make him fall in love with the blonde before he suddenly got famous. He didn't ask for anything.

So he opens his mouth and mentally prepares himself to talk, and then-

Ashton enters the room.

"Luke's on his plane back," he blurts. "He's coming back, Calum."

Calum's eyes widen. Luke's coming home. He's actually coming home. Calum grins at that, dropping his head low.

"You don't want Luke to see you like this," Michael says, and Calum lifts his head to look at him again. "Do you, Cal? He shouldn't see you like this."

Calum clears his throat. "Okay." Michael and Ashton both look ridiculously shocked, but say nothing as Calum picks up his fork.

He has to do this. He doesn't want Luke to see him so withered and skinny. He'll be so disappointed in the brunette and won't want to see him. He'll think he is ugly and the last thing Calum wants is for Luke to look at him and think, Ugly.

He eats everything on his plate.

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Maaate,

MY SISTER MET CALUM AND MY COUSIN SAW ASHTON SNFOIDnUGHdgsoin.

Yeah, so Merry Christmas! Have a blessed day! The other day these three guys tried to pick me and my sister up. They called us sexy. It was weird. And this really old guy (like grey hair old) also called us sexy and walked off. It was awful.

Errr, I don't know what else to say. Oh, thank you to everyone who has voted for this story in the Bromance Awards so far and if you haven't voted then go vote! Please and thank you!

I'm still not Calum's girlfriend, by the way. Thought I'd let you all know in case you suddenly thought I was or something.

THANKS FOR 8K! Byeeee! Merry Christmas and I hope you all have lovely Christmas' with your families or whomever!

Love Leticia x