The days seem to drag on longer than they used to when you were here. Oh God I can't get you out of my head. Everything I see and do reminds me of you. I've tried and tried to forget you but it seems nearly impossible.
Everyone pity's me now, I don't want their pity, I want you. They don't understand what we had, they just don't get it. Our love was closed and secret, no one knew what we meant to each other, except for ourselves.
I saw Ashton today. He seems to be doing fine but he doesn't look as happy as he used to be. I spoke to him he asked me if I knew anything about you since you left. I shook my head sadly because I was going to ask him the same thing. He smiled at me sadly and hugged me, it was a tight yet gentle hug. We stood there for a while, we didn't need any talking to understand our emotions, we both knew we were hurting.
I'm supposed to start therapy today. Luke told me that it would do me good to talk to someone professional and understanding. Luke moved in with me after you left, he thought it would be good for me to have someone look after me. He's like my brother now, all the boys are like brothers now. We've all gotten closer to each other.
I sat down in the waiting room waiting for the therapist to finish with the session before me. "You can come in now." she said with a small smile. "Hello my name is Gloria, what's your name?" She had a very thick Irish accent that made her sound very cheery and excited. "I'm beau" my voice sounded so bland and sad compared to hers. "Ah what an interesting name, you're the first patient I've had with that name. It's quite a pretty name, if you ask me." It sounded like she was desperately trying to make conversation but to no avail. "Oh my apologies, I didn't realize I was rambling. Shall we start?" I shook my head as a sign to say "yes" since I'm not really in the mood to talk, even though I know I have to. "So why are you feeling this way? Why do you feel so alone and empty?" Well maybe it's because the only person I love fûcking left me, I thought to myself. "I don't know, that's why I'm here." She looked at me and smiled " That's where you're wrong, I'm here to help you and to make you feel safe and happy." I looked at her, how dare she think that she can make me feel that way. "I can't possibly feel those feelings anymore. So don't you dare believe that you will be able to do that cause you won't. All I can feel now is sadness and pain. I'm broken, there is no way to fix me. I'm alone."
