The Games You Play : A Hood Love Story

Jay (8)

August 17th

I was outside on the yard after school, sitting at a table doing my homework. I hadn't seen Loren all day and I wanted to see her so bad. But I needed to talk to the boys first, minus Angelo.

"Yo wassup?" Smoke came up behind me and I gave him a handshake. "You sounded nervous on the phone, man. You good?"

"I gotta talk to you and Bryce about some shit. Where he at?" I started tapping my hands on the table.

"Right there! AYE NIGGA, BRING YO ASS!"

"Nigga you gotta stop yelling all the goddamn time." I said to him. That shit gets annoying.

"Yo, wassup? My bad, Braggs kept me to finish a test." Bryce gave me a handshake and sat down at the table. I put away my folders in my backpack and watched as kids poured out the front doors of school, eager to go home.

"I wanna ask Loren to be mine, man." They looked underwhelmed as hell.

"Nigga you ain't did that shit already?" Smoke did a face palm. I laughed.

"That's what you called the emergency for?" Bryce asked me. "There's no way. Imma be so pissed if that's what you-"

"Will y'all calm down?" They started staring at me. "She still doesn't know. And I don't wanna lie to her. I'm already in the wrong for not telling her but it's a whole other thing to ask her to be my girlfriend and bring her into it while keeping her in the dark. What do I do?"

"You quit." Smoke said so plainly. As if it was that easy.

"Oh I get it." I said sarcastically. "You want me to go to the biggest kingpin in the state, who also happens to be my stepdad, and say 'Ayo big homie, I don't wanna deal drugs or shoot at people for you no more. Have a nice day.' Come on Smoke."

"He's right, Jay." Bryce started. "Just hear me out. I've seen the way y'all look at and talk about each other. You've been with her nonstop since your first date. Doing everything to prove to her you're worthy of her trust and her heart. You don't need to be in these streets dealing with The Boss no more. You been dealing for him since you were fifteen and you had no idea where your life would go. You're about to go to college and you got schools offering you basketball scholarships left and right. And whether or not you wanna admit it, you found somebody worth being with after grieving over Niejah. Man the nigga you're working for had Niejah shot in the head. You deserve better and if Loren got you questioning whether or not you should give this street life up, then she's the one you need to give it up for."

"What if she don't wanna be with me after I tell her everything I did?" I put my face in my hands.

"It's in the eyes, bro." Smoke took my hands off my face and looked at me. "It's in the eyes. It's the way she looks at you. And if you like her as much as you say you do, you'll tell her the truth. Don't lie to her because she's gonna find out." I sat silent so Smoke kept going. "Listen, everybody else who is in that gang with you, respects you. Even if The Boss wanted to kill you, they would never. Shit they might even quit themselves."

"He still gon put a hit out on me if I try and leave!" I yelled. "Everybody in that gang ain't loyal to me. Somebody gon try and kill me. And I'll burn in hell before I let anything happen to her."

"You can't keep it from her man." Bryce pleaded.

"I have to. I'm gonna quit but she's not gonna know anything and you niggas ain't gonna tell her. Got me?"

"A'ight man." Smoke got up from the table.

"Listen, imma always be loyal to you." Bryce started to get up too. "But this shit is wrong. Think about it." They both walked off shaking their heads. I disappointed them. I feel like a piece of shit right now. I should've never been involved with a gang in the first place. But that's it. I'm done. I'm quitting and I don't care what price I have to pay. I found somebody who wants me, I got a bright future ahead of me that ain't got shit to do with no gangs and I got people looking up to me. What kind of person would I be if kids see me on the news? A kid from Cambridge who's following his dreams but is secretly a drug dealer and in a gang. But... What kind of person would I be if I lied to somebody I cared about so deeply?