The Healing Ranch

Chapter 37

The next few months dragged by for Megan. She fell into a routine mindlessly and felt almost numb as she did chores in the empty house. Every day she simply got up, got dressed, made breakfast, cleaned, helped in the barn, made lunch, and supper, cleaned and went to bed. The neighbors had all pitched in to help, even though most of them had their own calving cows to deal with. Surprisingly, it had been a good year so far and they had only lost one calf. Megan was thankful for that, but also couldn't make herself care. She missed Tate more than anything and each night agonized over whether she had made the right choice or not. Maybe she should have just gone with Tate. He was right; she would have been surrounded by his family and wouldn't be so alone.

"Megan? Is there anything else you want me to do before I leave?" Phil, one of the guys who was helping out around the ranch, popped his head into the kitchen. She noticed the tired lines surrounding his eyes and immediately felt bad that he had to help her too.

"No I'm good. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you but I do appreciate everything you guys have done for me." Her throat tightened, but then again it was often tight nowadays and she often seemed at the brink of tears.

"It's not a problem. You should know by now that we aren't going to turn our backs on you. Your dad helped enough of us out of scrapes that we wouldn't have survived otherwise. You have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow." He tipped his hat to her and left, leaving silence behind him. It was May, and most of the calving was done now. Megan calculated how many they had left as she stared at the counter, also thinking of the cows that soon would need to be brought out to pasture. She knew she wouldn't be able to help. She hadn't been able to get in the saddle again ever since Tate had left.

"What are you going to do Megan?" She had taken to talking to herself to fill up the emptiness in the house. It seemed like the silence would suffocate her sometimes and she strongly felt the absence of Tate, her dad, her uncle, and her grandmother. Sometimes she fell into a numbness that would last for weeks, one that allowed her to work on autopilot and not feel a thing. When she came out of that she would cry herself to sleep for a few days, aching deep with the pain of loosing yet another person she loved. She knew she wasn't coping well and she also knew she should be stronger but she couldn't seem to drag herself out of the darkness that had descended the night Tate had left. Her phone rang beside her and her heart jumped. Every time it rang she hoped it was Tate, even though he hadn't attempted to contact her at all, nor she him.

"Hello?"

"Hello honey. How are you doing?" The familiar thick, southern drawl came over the line and Megan's stomach clenched. It wasn't Tate, but it might as well have been from the pain that hit her hard in the chest.

"Caroline. I'm... doing alright." She struggled to breath and keep her voice normal at the same time. The sound of this woman's voice, the one who had treated her like a daughter, had Megan breaking even more inside. In it she heard everything she gave up. Family, love, acceptance, warmth. But she also heard in it what she couldn't give up. Her mom, her ranch, her place.

"Oh honey. You don't have to pretend with me." The motherly tone in Caroline's voice broke Megan and tears started running down her cheeks.

"I miss him. I miss you guys." She finally got out through her sobbing and she heard Caroline's exhale that spoke of a deep sadness.

"I know baby. We all miss you too."

"I couldn't leave here. I can't leave what's left of my family. This ranch..... it's home." Megan knew her words were garbled and she also knew that she probably shouldn't be sobbing to her ex-boyfriends mom. Right now though, she just needed someone to justify what she did too, someone to tell her that she did the right thing.