The Manipulator

Chapter Three

Absent Father

Some women get it and some don’t. I was one of the ones who did. I was fresh out of the hospital with my newborn and I wasn’t getting any  help from my ex. He was more worried about his video games than helping me. He would sleep all day long and be out all night long. Luckily I had my mom and stepdads help, but it just wasn’t enough. I was in so much pain and could barely move. I had to take stuff to ease the pain long enough to just be able to get up and pee. He wasn’t there. And when he woujld come home late, he would always come up with some stupid ass excuse as to why he wasn’t there. He flat out told me one time that he broke down on the side of the road and some guy pulled over to help him. The guy gave him money and took the part that my ex needed off of his truck and gave it to him. No one in their right mind would do that. And what kind of guy gives someone money and a free part off their truck. He thought we were allstupid and that we were all going to believe him and his lies. I had had enough of his bullshit and told him to leave. He wasn’t being a dad and he wasn’t being a boyfriend. I needed his support and his help and he was always screwing around and fucking off. I told him that I was done and until he proves to me that he’s willing to step up and be a fucking man Iwasn’t going to let him see the baby or be around her. He missed the first almost 3 months of her life. He came to me begging to come home. He missed me and wanted to be a part of the baby's life. I believed him and moved back in with him. 

It was a big mistake. Nothing changed. He sweet talked me into giving him his way. He was always saying the things he knew I wanted to hear. I was always the one to wake up and change her inthe middle of the night. I was still in pain and still managed to make her bottles and wash them in the middle of the night. To this day he has never made her a mealor changed a diaper or even fed her. He refused to. He claims it’s because he didn’t feel comfortable doing it. I thinkit’s cause he didn’t want toms out on his stupid Fortnite game. That is all he did was paly that stupid game. Now I’m not complaining about taking care of my daughter, I am her mommy and it’s what I'm supposed to do. But when I would ask him for even a tiny break so I could shower or even eat it was always an argument or it would blow up and turn into a fight. I would cry myself to sleep every night. I would think about running away and not coming back. I would think about ways to fake mine and my daughters death and never tell him about her again. I was just sad and very hurt and angry thatI was putting my all into parenting and he wasn’t.

During my pregnancy he would tell everyone how  excited he was to be a dad and how he couldn’t wait to hold her and take care of her. Well the joke is on him cause he neverfucking did that and NOW I have full custody of my daughter who he hasn’t seen in almost a year. To this day I still catch myself crying myself to sleep. I don’t know if I still have a little ppd going on or if I am just super exhausted. I am hurt by the fact that I believed all his lies and his bullshit. I am angry with myself that I put my daughter's life into a toxic relationship. I am angry with myself that I brought my daughter into this world not having a man to love her as much as I do. But if I have learned anything from the way I grew up, it’s that you don’t need a dad to love you. YOu need aman willing to step up and take that responsibility. A sperm donor is just genes and genetics but a real dad is someone who will kiss her boo boobs and make the ouchies go away. A dad is someone who you can go to for advice from. And I will be damned if her biological father ever does that with her. He isn’t a father!!! He is whatis called AT THE MOMENT DAD. He isn’t there the whole year but as soon as some big milestone hits he is there posting videos and pictures talking about how much he loves her. EVen though he doesn't know her blood type. He doesn’t know basically anything about her. He is the type of person who is so used to lying and getting his way and being in control that he doesn’t care who gets hurt in the process. She doesn't know who he is.She doesn’t cry for him.He doesn’t mean shit to her. I can show her a picture of him and she doesn’t know. She says I don’t know and runs off.

When I say she is mine, I literally mean she is mine. I have been to all her doctors appointments. She had to be hospitalized for over a week and not once did he call or visit. Three months after giving birth I had to be rushed into emergency surgery and he wasn’t there. My mom had the baby and not once did he call to check up on the baby. He was over 4 hours late picking me up. On the day of my first surgery my mom had to go break into my house to wake him up cause he was sleeping. He doesn’t care about other people's feelings. If it doesn’t benefit him in the end then he doesn’t give a flying rat's ass. I had to have my gallbladder removed because it was infected and about to burst and he brought a bunch of his friends to my hospital room then just left me. I had my mom, stepdad, and grandma take care of me when I got home cause I was in a tremendous amount of pain. And where was the sperm donor?? NOWHERE TO BE FUCKING FOUND.  

I am and will forever be the only parent she will have. I am the one who wakes up every hour on the hour to make sure her fevers are gone. I make sure she's healthy and fed. I make sure she takes every last drop of her medicine. I am the only one who has given shit about her. SINCE DAY FUCKING ONE. 

He has never been there for her and he never will.He can post all of stuff he wants about her but he will never be in her life. In the next chapter you will understand why.