Tessa's Reflection

Chapter 20

Landon's POV -

I run as fast as my body will carry me. I am beside myself with worry and anger. I punched him, I friggin hit him. I couldn't contain it. He didn't even respond, he just let me do it. I k ow it was wrong but right then in that moment I want to hurt him like he has done to Tessa. I mean what the heck, why would she end her life.

I knew she wasn't OK, but I have tried my best to be there for her. She told me she just wanted to keep busy this weekend, that she had plans and would meet me on Monday. I believed her, I had no reason to doubt her. Her words were so convincing in the phone. I want to rip him to shreds but I also want to thank him. If he hadn't turned up I don't know what I would have done. He knew, how did he know something was wrong. Surely they aren't that intertwined that he can sense things, that's just twins isn't it.

I arrive at the hospital, I don't recall the drive. My head was elsewhere. I dash to the counter and ask for Tessa Young. Agmfter lying and saying I am family, the nurse looks me up and down obvious that she notices the difference in our skin tones but leads up the corridor. She seats me and tells me to wait as Tess is in resus. Resus, fuck! That is where they bring you back to life, my head drops in my hands and I cry like I have never cried before. My best friend in the world is in that room and I can't do a thing, I can't do a fucking thing to help.

Hardin's s POV -

I arrive at the hospital and run the halls when an angry looking male nurse stops me in my tracks, I shout her name and he looks at me with shock.

'Tessa Young, where is she!' I shout.

'Sir, follow me. I don't know but we can find out. When did she come in' he asks leading me down the corridor. As we turn I see Landon sat on a plastic chair crying. My heart stops, she can't be. She can't be dead. I run over and grab his shoulders shaking him for answers but he doesn't stop, he sobs harder into my shoulder.

'Landon, what did they say!' I yell, tears flowing from my eyes and my chest hollow with pain.

'Sir, are you Landon?' a nurse asks as walking towards us. He nods.

'Miss Young has been extremly lucky. The alcohol she consumed has caused her to go into an unconscious state, affecting her breathing along with the medication. Because of the amount she drank it slowed down the ability for the tablets to harm her long term. She is going to be very unwell and will be staying in for 2 to 3 days whilst she recovers. We are moving her to a ward shortly where you can see her. Sir do you know who Hardin Scott is, she has been crying for him so it may be wise for him to come as soon as she wakes' her words run through me as I digest the news. I want to grab the woman and hug her for saving my girl. I am ecstatic that she is going to be OK. I grab Landon and bro hug him, more for my sake than his but the fact he doesn't punch is progress.

'Why did you come here' he asks, his breathing returning to a calmer state.

'I couldn't not come, I don't want any harm to come to her, I never have. I love her Landon. You fucking know I do. I know this is on me, I know it's down to me that she is here but you have to believe that I never wanted this' I state, looking for some form of forgiveness in his eyes but he stares at me with nothing but sadness. I prefer anger than this look. It's like disappointment and judgement rolled into one.

'You have a fucked up way of loving her' he says turning away from me.

'Landon, I will fix this. I thought I was helping her thrive by leaving not killing her. Fuck! I never would have forgiven myself if I hadn't gone there today. I knew something was up, I felt it. I won't ever leave her again. I will make it up to her for the rest of my life. I swear, but I need you onside. I need your support for this to work. Your my brother, I get shit wrong I know this but you and your influence help me, they have done for the past year. Your my brother and my friend so please just believe in me once more, let me prove to you I won't ever hurt her' I beg, I have never been so open or honest but my words are truthful. He glares at me soaking them in. I'm a selfish bastard for asking anything of him but I need him to be on side.

'Hardin, you have one shot. I mean it. Don't make me regret this. I saw the change in you, that is the only reason I am doing this. Be the man she needs not the one you think she wants' he replies. We walk along the hall to the where they have moved Tess and I see her through a small window, she looks asleep and peaceful but the monitors and tubes around her say different. Landon looks at me shocked and I pat his shoulder to try giving him reassurance she'll be OK. I'll make sure she is. I won't fuck up this time.

A nurse approaches to update us on her stable status. Advising she won't wake for a few hours as they gave her sedative medication whilst they flush her system to rid of the alcohol. Landon offers immediately to stay with her until she wakes as do I but the nurse is strict and tells us only one of us can be present until she is fully conscious.

'Hardin, I get that you want to fix this but I'd she wakes and you're sat she might freak out. Maybe it's best that I am here first. I will call you as soon as she wakes up. I promise but for now can you just go with me in this?' I want to argue but he has a point, I disappeared, I caused this so maybe i' M not who she wants to face as soon as her eyes open. I nod and walk away. It kills me to do so but he's right. I sit outside and spark up a cigarette, damn I need this nicotine hit right now as I out the lighter in my pocket I feel the scrunched up papers I took from the apartment. I unfold them and search for my name, it's not prying or intruding if my name is clearly shown is it? As I uncrumple the note I read her words.

The opening lines hurt my heart, she quoted Bronte.

I'm burning! I wish I were out of doors! I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy, and free; and laughing at injuries, not maddening under them! Why am I so changed?

Hardin, quotes seem to make so much more sense when in despair. I feel the words as if they are my own. Beautiful, disastrous words. I tried to be strong, I tried to keep myself from falling apart when you left me but I couldn't bare the pain any longer. I am not as strong as I once thought, with each departure you took part of me with you leaving me with nothing left to fight with.

I can never truly hate you, it isn't possible. I adore every part of you and how you made me feel. To regret you would be selfish and unhonest of me. I only regret that I couldn't understand you, I thought I could but something always altered and changed my knowledge of how we would be together. This time you left out of love, that was the hardest part in all of this. I could never leave you, I wanted to spend my life with you and now, well now I don't see any way to stop the ache you left me with.

I hope you find happiness after me, I hope life treats you kindly and you forgive your wrongs. You deserve to be at peace with your demons. I hope you experience everything you made me feel because I failed you, if I hadn't you wouldn't of left. I'm not going to say goodbye because you'll always be mine in a sense, I'll never be far from you even in death but for now it's take care and live life. For me, live it to the fullest.

You made who I am with with your love, but you killed me with it also.

Always yours
Tessa x