Beyond The Outer Banks

Chapter 3

After about an hour or so of just driving around town, I finally make the decision to head home. I park and lock my car and slowly walk in. It's quiet. Which makes it harder for me not to be noticed. Without making too much noise I manage to get to my room, throwing my bag on my bed and sitting on the floor, my knees against my chest. All that I can think about is JJ. As much as I don't want to, that's where my mind goes. The beach, the decorations, our heart-to-heart, and then the kiss. I try shaking it off and forgetting about it but I can't. I cheated on Pope and there isn't really much I can do about it. My eyes immediately fill up with tears. "I wish you were here to talk about it." I whisper, looking at John B's name on the bracelet.

"OKAY MOM I-", My little sister stops in the doorway as soon as she makes eye contact with me. "kIARA?! Oh my god are you crying??" She asks, closing the door behind her and making her way towards me. "I umm ... Well I can't really give an excuse right now can I? Can you just leave me alone for now. Please." I plead, but as usual, she doesn't get the hint. "Kathy, get out of my room. I don't wanna talk about it." I tell her. Usually, we talk about everything. And the fact that I called her by her full name and not just 'Kath', shook her up a bit. Which is when she was 100% sure that something was really wrong.

"I'm pretty sure you know I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on." I finally give in to her and tell her everything. And I can see by the look in her face that she's shocked but also in awe. "Okay can you like ... say something without looking at me like an idiot." I tell her. "Sorry i just. I umm ... you kiSSED JJ?!?!!!?" She freaks out. "KATH SHUT UP MOM AND DAD WILL HEAR YOU!" I pull her back down to the floor to stop her from jumping up and down. "Does Pope know?" Kathy asks me, furrowing her brow. "nO POPE DOESNT KNOW! And he doesn't have to, so shut it." I tell her straight off.

"Okay look I don't know what the problem is. I mean-", Just as she's about to continue mom walks in. "KIARA!! OH MY GOD YOUR HOME! HUNNY SHE'S HOME!" She looks at me, worriedly.

"WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SOMETHING?! WE WERE WORRIED SICK WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?!!?"

"Okay mom stop yelling. Look I was out with JJ okay. Birthday surprise that's all. Calm down."

I look at my sister with wide eyes, angry cause she was supposed to cover for me tonight. "We're gonna have a talk about this once your father's out of his office. Don't you ever do that to us again, you hear me? You should have told us." She tells me, which catches me by surprise.

"Look I'm sorry okay but I knew you wouldn't let me. You don't like my friends and you know it. Especially JJ." I roll my eyes. "What he did at the midsummers celebration was uncalled for. And you. Running off with them in the midst of it all. How do you think we must've felt that day hmm?? Your friends are jus-", She stops herself when she sees the look on my face. I hate it when mom and dad talk about the Pogues, like they're some kind of dirt. It's disgusting. "Well I guess you've had enough birthday fun tonight. And next time please just tell us where you're going." Mom says, and I apologize before she leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

"I'm never asking you to cover for me again." I frown at my sister. "Look I'm sorry okay but enough about that!! Tell me about itttt!!" She squeals. "About what???" I ask her. "The kiss genius. How was it?! Was it better than Pope?! Omg how are you going to tell him!?!" And she goes on and on with questions. "Okay look I'm gonna stop you right there. I'm saying it again, Pope doesn't need to know alright. And the kiss? It was ... nice. Okay. It felt different." My mind replays the kiss on and on and on and doesn't seem to stop. "But it was nothing okay. We were just in the moment and it kinda ... happened. And besides, he kissed me first. I-I didn't initiate it, I would never deliberately do that to Pope."

"You still love him?" She asks me, and I turn to look at her, unsure. Pope has been so amazing the last couple of months but I've hardly seen him now. But that's not excuse to go kissing your best friend. I just miss him. "Well ... We haven't really said the umm ... the "L-word" yet. But yeah, I guess." I say, and she looks up at me. "That "I guess" isn't very convincing, Kie. You either love him or you don't. It's as simple as that. Then you can figure out whether what happened today was what you wanted or just you missing Pope." She replies. "I don't know, okay. I don't know. And no, it's not as simple as that. I just ... I don't wanna hurt him. Pope. And JJ. It's a lot. And telling Pope is just gonna ruin things, and I don't want it to end between us." I say, turning away from her and thinking of what might happen if I told Pope about tonight.

"Kie, I know I'm not too experienced in this field. But I think Pope deserves to know. If he finds out from somewhere else, that's where it gets bad. So, I think before that happens you need to tell him. And, for JJ. Maybe, it wasn't such a great idea to run out on him like that. I know he was an idiot for saying those things but ... You know what he's been through before. He found a comfort in you. Maybe seeing the way you reacted made him say things he didn't mean. You guys are best friends, and you have to talk about it with him." I look at her, my mouth slightly open as I'm lost for words. Here, a 13yr old girl telling me, her 18yr old sister what to do. And she's right. I have to tell Pope. And I have to talk to JJ. My only question is: How?

"I'm pretty sure JJ doesn't wanna see me right now. And I really don't wanna go through telling Pope. But I get what you're saying. Dammit why do you have to be right?" We both let out a short laugh. "I still don't get why you're so worried. You said so yourself. JJ kissed you. You didn't initiate it. It wasn't your fault. So why can't you just tell Pope about it. Maybe you can talk things out. What's the problem?" She looks up at me, a confused look on her face. I turn my head towards her and my smile slowly fades.

"I didn't pull away."