The Skin Walker

18 | Choosing to Stay

"I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere."

this is me trying Taylor Swift

R U T H

I pulled back from Rueben's grip the moment my eyesight cleared and watched his eyes return to their human state. My head spun; not with confusion but with nausea. It was like this when he sent me into that memory of Jerome's brother. The quick notion of being somewhere else then back here again made me feel sick to the stomach.

I guessed he was used to it because he didn't look sick at all. Reuben was frozen before me, his eyes trying to pick up on any hint of emotion on my face. I gave nothing back. He grew impatient, drawing his eyebrows together with confusion as he tilted his head. 

"I-I don't know what to say," I whispered in desperation to say something instead of glaring into his eyes feeling flustered. 

"Start by telling me how you feel," He suggested, his voice steady as if he was waiting for an outburst.

Angry, exposed, violated. My face heated with all three emotions and Rueben took it in, clenching his jaw.

"Do you have access to all my memories? Can you just look through my entire life like my brain is some sort of file?" I spluttered, taking a step back.

He'd taken memories away from me. Did he take more away? Was there something else that I needed to remember but couldn't because he took them away? Did Jerome do that to me? Did Sheila? I felt sick everywhere.

"Ruth," He started, holding a hand out so that I wouldn't run away before he could explain. "You have to understand why I took them away."

"Did you take more?" I tried not to raise my voice, but it was no use.

My brain didn't feel like mine anymore. It was the one thing I thought I had control over the most, but that was inaccurate. Rueben just shifted something in there. He'd given me memories and taken them away like they were nothing. But they were something. At least the first one was. The first time I met his wolf. The first time we touched. That was important, and he took away my right to know that. He wasn't allowed to do that.

"No, and I won't ever do it to you again," He replied firmly, his eyes trying to find mine as I glanced away from him.

My eyes locked on the door behind him, and I wanted to leave, to make a run for it. Though I had decided against it. I had chosen to stay. So I would. But that didn't mean I couldn't catch a break, because I desperately needed one.

"If I left you like that - if you had suspected something about Theodoros not being just a wolf, you would've investigated. If you had found out on your own about the kind that I am, you would've been in danger. I would've broken the most important law," Rueben explained, straightening his posture. "Don't leave before giving me a chance to explain myself, Ruth."

I shook my head, glaring at him.

"I won't do it again," He promised with a more gentle tone. "I promise."

"I don't believe you," I confessed.

"Yeah, I know," He sighed, running a hand through his hair before giving me more space. "I broke the little trust you had in me. I get that, but it was for your safety."

Eventually, I nodded, understanding that was his priority at the time. It hurt, though.

"Did you see every memory there was in my brain?" I had to ask.