keep it together anyway: a world without percy [PIPABETH SCENES!]

seven: a waking nightmare

In all her years of life as a demigod, Annabeth had never, ever welcomed sleep as an old friend. Like all demigods, sleep usually brought ominous visions, nightmares, and made for overall bad icebreakers in the morning.

    Now, Annabeth begged for the nightmares to come.

    She dreamt of the Cyclops that she stabbed in the foot, of Thalia being turned into a pine tree. She dreamt of Luke with golden, glowing eyes in a voice that wasn't his, she dreamt of crumbling under the weight of the sky, she dreamt of losing Percy and searching for him for days. She dreamt of Arachne, her hissing fangs dripping poison as Annabeth cowered in pain, she dreamt of falling into Tartarus for what seemed like forever, holding hands with Percy as they struggled to stay alive in the River Cocytus. She even dreamt of Bob and Damasen holding back tides of monsters as she and Percy held the doors shut with all their might while that stupid Pina Colada song played. They were her worst fears, her most evil experiences, and Annabeth welcomed them.

    Because nothing was as wretched as waking up and realizing that the true nightmare, the one she'd been having from the moment they fell in love, was the nightmare she would never wake up from. It was the one she woke up to.

    She would fall into Tartarus a thousand times just for the fact that she was with Percy. She would give up anything, give everything just for the chance to choose one of the lesser evils where Percy was still with her. Still alive. Still next to her in bed, his breath warming her cheek, their fingers intertwined with her leg draped comfortably over his hip. And yet it didn't matter what she would give. The Fates didn't care how much Annabeth wanted to die. She was trapped. Over and over, Annabeth would wake up, remember, and scream.

    Her nightmares were not her jailers.

    Her truth was.

For the third time that night, Annabeth woke up in a cold sweat and doubled over howling. Gone, gone, gone, everything taunted her. He's dead, left you alone. All alone. You'll never see him again. Never. Always gone. Forever dead.

    She screamed into her pillow and sobbed. Dead. This was a waking nightmare.

    Her door opened and Piper entered the room.

    Annabeth looked up at Piper through teary eyes, not saying anything. Piper pulled back the covers and joined Annabeth at her bed. Annabeth lay back down, and turned on her side to face Piper. She clutched the pillow, permanently wet, and gazed at Piper. Piper looked back at her with a mix of emotions, as if she wasn't sure if she should close her eyes, kiss her, or leave.

    Annabeth whimpered like a stabbed animal. "I can't," she said for the hundredth time. "I can't live a life without him."

    Piper reached out and tentatively stroked Annabeth's hair, pushing it away from her face. "Is that what you're dreaming about?"

    Annabeth laughed without humor. "I scream when I wake up, Piper," she said quietly. "Any nightmare is Elysium compared to the reality. Piper sighed. "I'm sorry."

    Annabeth closed her eyes. "It's a waking nightmare. I wake up into my worst nightmare, and I'll never get out. I'll never wake up." She opened her eyes. "I wish I was dead."

    "Don't say that," Piper murmured. "Percy wants you to move on. I know he does."

    Annabeth slammed a fist into the sheets. "Percy doesn't know what he wants, because he's dead! He's dead, and he left me behind with no idea what to do with myself. He left me with more pain that I could ever handle. I can't handle this. It was easier to hold up the sky." Annabeth's voice broke. "I would give anything to go back to holding the sky with him."

    Piper blinked, and a tear trailed down the side of her cheek onto the covers. "I don't know what I can do for you, Annabeth." Annabeth scooted up closer to Piper, their eyes just inches apart.

    "I know one thing you can do for me," she said.

    "Annabeth, no. That was a one-time thing. Please, don't-" Annabeth wrapped her hand around Piper's neck and kissed her. Piper didn't pull back immediately, but after a couple of seconds, she brought up a hand in front of her face.

    "Annie," she said miserably. "We can't keep doing this. It isn't fair to me or you. Especially you."

    Annabeth strained closer. "Please," she said shakily. Annabeth pulled Piper's face to hers and pressed their lips together. After a beat, she pulled back just a centimeter.

"A waking nightmare," she whispered against Piper's mouth, agony catching in her voice. "It's a waking nightmare, Piper. You have to help me."

Piper made a helpless sound, and Annabeth draped her arm over Piper's hip, pulling her close.

"Nightmares," Annabeth breathed, tears pooling in her eyes. She ran her fingers through Piper's hair, hearing him whisper her name in the middle of the night. She imagined sea green irises, a lopsided smile, the rough fingers that laced perfectly with hers.

"I can't wake up."