30 prompts - Arcana Oc

"is this it ?"

    Cana looked around her. Nothing had changed while she slept. The rooms were crowded with people, dying people. All around her, coughing, crying, praying, children asking their mothers when they could go home, infants yelling with all the might their tiny lungs could muster; murmuring, silent chatter echoing against the cold stone walls, cursing the Count, cursing the Gods, fate, and everything that could be blamed. Not one of them would get out of here alive, neither would she. Maybe Asra had been right, they could have fled the city, by now they would probably all be healthy and well, the four of them.
    Did she regret her decision ? No. Even if it turned up to have been a complete waste of time and efforts on her part, she was glad she had chosen to stay. She would have never forgave herself if she had just left Vesuvia behind while it died down. She had hope for the future, even if it was without her. She had worked with Julian for a while, even Valdemart. They did horrible things while trying to find a cure, to no avail. That was what was bothering her. To no avail. Why ? Why didn't they manage to find anything despite everything ? Nothing could help, no scientific cure was found, herbs and spells were just as ineffective. It was like a curse bringing down innocent people as it festered after its victim. Who knows, maybe Montag was to blame for that as well.
    How would he react, she though, knowing his little sister was dying of the plague right now ? He was probably thinking she was far away, still in the scourge lands with their mother and half dead tribe. If he though about her at all that was.

    A violent cough shook her up, making her wince and hugging herself tighter. She was so weak. She had lost so much weight, she was starving, so thirsty, when was the last time she had drank or eaten something ? They didn't gave them anything here, this place was for the dying, they leave you here to die. Cana shivered as the sound of someone opening the furnace echoed down the dark hallway. All over there, she could see the dancing light of the flames. They never stopped burning, day and night, there was no end to it. The smell of ash and smoke was filling the place, only aggravating the coughing fits of the weaker ones; she used to like this smell, when they would burn a few logs to keep themselves warm; now she couldn't remember any other. Her hand clinched harder on the coat around he shoulder, she was so frail looking now, Morga would probably sneer at the state she was in. Emaciated, greasy hair falling down strand after strand if she passed her hand through them, her cheeks were hollow and she could feel her bones through the skin. The former white of her eyes was constantly burning, she had no tears left to shed, throat dry and hurting. Everything hurt.
    Did she had any regrets ? Now was the time, soon enough she wouldn't be able to think rationally, if to think at all. She regretted a lot of things actually. She regretted being too weak to stand up to whatever killed her village. She regretted not being enough to stop Montag from becoming what he was, she regretted leaving Morga behind, regretted not getting Muriel out of the coliseum sooner, regretted coming to Vesuvia at all, regretted...
    She let out a deep sigh. That wasn't true, not entirely. Coming to the city had gave her many things to regret indeed, she had let her absolute freedom at the gates, she discovered a world totally different from what she was used to, the new rules and way of living of the city had put her under a lot of stress; seing what Montag had become shook her, the violence he was freely giving the people was too much even for her. She had starved in the streets, lost friends to healable sicknesses or to guards abusing their power. But she wasn't allowed to say she could regret coming here. Cana may have lost a lot, but she gained so many other things as well. If she had the strength to do so, she would cry, thinking about all the wonderful things that happened to her, all the people she had met.
The first one was Asra, they had a rocky debut but quickly became friends, Hell they even opened a magic shop together after a while, and it was thriving. Then there was Muriel, it had been so hard getting his trust but it was all worth it, the moments they had spend together just chatting like there was nothing else to worry about in the world, she wouldn't trade them for anything. Along the line she met Julian, she was introduced to Countess Nadia... And Mélusine, oh her little Mélu, so clumsy, so nice, so brave for still going on despite all the hardship she went through. Little Mélu who spent the first days crying her eyes out because of her father's death, but whose smile would lit up the whole room as soon as she managed a magic trick, no matter how easy it was. She was so easily amazed by the world... the red head was like a little sister to her, she loved her so so very much. Was it what Montag felt when he would smile at her, so long ago ? Did he love her that much ?
Cana shivered once again, despite the furnace burning so ferociously at the end of the hallway, the cold and harsh wind took over as it mercilessly slipped through every crack in the wall, bitting fingers and bare feet that weren't covered enough. It was barely fall, but it was already so cold, the winter would be harsh this year. She wondered if the others would be okay. Muriel would have no problem surviving, he was used to it, the cold and living off little to nothing. But what about Mélusine ? With luck Asra would be back by the time snow would start falling, otherwise maybe Muriel could help ?
Her already weakened heart missed a bit when she heard what could be seen as the clicking of chains. She looked up, freezing a she saw on the other side flamboyant ginger hair... but it was not someone she knew. The chains were actually just kids playing lightly with scraps of metal. The magician let out a deep sigh and just slumped fully against the wall. With each day passing she was more afraid of seeing familiar faces within these walls. Every pair of green eyes, every white fluffy hair, or the simple color orange would send her into an almost hysteric stage. Anything but that, anything but her cherished friends, her family, living up to the same fate. They were too young to die, they still had so much to go through, good and bad. It would just be...without her by their side.
'What about us ??' The though ringed into her head. 'Aren't we too young as well ? We're only 23, we had so much to see, we wanted to cross the sea remember ? We wanted to learn new spells.' And yet none of it would happen. 'We didn't apologize to Asra. And we promised Mélu we would try to find her familiar together next spring. We haven't found ours yet either.' Maybe it was better like that. She would have felt terrible if she had brought the poor animal with her at the Lazaret. Right now she just felt so tired...  'What if they get sick ? It'll be our fault then, if we had left with Asra they wouldn't have gotten sick at all. They'll die and it'll be our fault.' Cana weakly shook her head. They would be fine. 'We're going to leave them all alone. We promised Muriel we would never leave his side and we're just abandoning him.' She sniffled, why were all those sour thoughts coming now ? Her eyes were s heavy, she needed to sleep, just a little bit, she'd feel better when she woke up...
'It's just so unfair...we should have had more time. I don't want to go just yet...'