Amnesia

1

The cold stone wall stung my bare back as I sunk back, tired of trying to escape. I was trapped, and I knew it; the metal shackles cutting into my wrist. I have thought about ending it myself, dragging the sharp metal across my arms, but I didn't want to. I wanted to watch him rot when I escaped, whether in prison or when I did what he did to me.

I choked back a sob, afraid he might hear me, he didn't like me crying. I looked up to the steps that lead to the door separating me from him, hoping and praying he didn't hear me. He got upset when I cried and it made him violent. I found it easier to play along, pretend what he wanted, but I was so tired.

My once green eyes were swollen from the fists he laid on me, my cheek bruised and cut from his class ring and my scalp screaming in agony from the patches missing, that he ripped out.

I used to have long, shiny brown hair. It was natural, I never dyed it afraid of losing its natural hue. I wish I would have. That's what drew him to me, I think back, biting my lip softly. He liked brunettes, he liked to play with their hair, their natural olive skin he loved to fondle.

My cheek throbbed in protest when I scrunched my face in disgust. Wasn't anyone looking for me? Did anyone care where I was? Did they think I was dead?

Those questions, they seemed to haunt me and yet keep me preoccupied through the...months? I wasn't sure anymore, it seemed like a millennium that I was chained up in a basement like a sick dog.

I looked back to the door to see him descending the rickety wooden stairs. I glanced around the basement while there was light to find a way out. Shelves, gas tanks and chains, no windows or other doors were here that promised freedom. Just like the day before that and the day before that, nothing had magically appeared for me to escape.

I quickly looked at him, he didn't like it when I didn't look at him, feigning a smile. He didn't smile back, his face protected by the shadows the basement made.

"You've been crying." It wasn't a question, I didn't answer, he didn't like to hear me talk, unless he touched me, or told me. Neither of those applied.

I didn't answer, I just kept that small, sstupid smile on my face, hoping he'd leave.

"As of tonight, I won't need you anymore. What do you think about that?" He asked, expecting an answer this time.

"I'm not sure, baby"-ugh!-"what are you going to do with me?" I returned, my heart beating with anticipation for a possible escape.

"Well, since you do not love me like I love you, I am going to have to kill you, Darling." He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
No! My mind screamed, I was so close. I should have ended it. I should have ended it. I kept repeating inside my head, like a mantra or a bad poem.

"I'm sorry," was all he said before slamming his fist one last time into my face, sending my skull to give a loud, satisfying smack against the cold stone.

~~~~

I woke up lying in dirt, my head pounding. People were screaming a name, I fluttered my lids open, forcing my eyes to search for the voices, but they wouldn't open. Stabbing pain shot through the back of my eyes, I couldn't move. I'm scared, I think. as the voices begin to fade.

Out of nowhere, I began to scream. My lungs and head protesting against the strain. I kept screaming, not words, just a loud scream, hoping that someone would hear me.

The voices are coming back now, a weight was lifting off my chest and I didn't stop. I couldn't stop, something told me not to.

I pried open my eyes, one last time, to see a group of people standing over me, their faces, in what I could make out, contorted in pure horror.

A man opened a walk away, pushing people to get to me. His face mirroring the crowd's expression. He was just as horrified as them, I could only imagine due to my incapacity to move.

My eyes stung with tears as he cradled me, giving instructions to get someone, to get help. I just laid there in his arms, unable to do anything as the pounding began to consume me like a fire. The pain so great, my vision was blurring and creating a tunnel of darkness.

I swam in and out of consciousness; lights and people in white surrounding me. They were sticking me with needles, a monitor going off in my ear, and my screaming, "I should have ended it!"