tw// themes of: suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety and self harm.
feel free to skip if these subjects make you feel uncomfortable
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Tears cascaded down the sides of my face as I stared up at my ceiling. Music softly playing in the background, music that was supposed to cheer me up but just made me feel worse.
-
My regrets look just like texts I shouldn't send
And I got neighbors
They're more like strangers we could be friends
I just need a way out of my head
I'll do anything for a way out of my head
-
I closed my eyes holding back a sob as someone knocked on my door gently.
"Y/n? Are you alright? You've been cooped up in here all day." A sweet familiar voice asked. I quickly cleared my throat before answering.
"I'm fine Cordelia. Just haven't been feeling well." My voice shook as I spoke, tears threatening to spill again.
"Can I come in?" She questioned.
"Um yeah. Just, give me a second." I said as I sat up and turned my music off.
I quickly ran into my connecting bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were swollen and red causing me to sigh. I grabbed a wash cloth and put it under cold water before ringing it out and placing it on my eyes trying to get my eyes to go down a little bit. It took a while but they started to go down just enough for me to blame them on my allergies.
I set the towel on my sink before going back out into my room and opening the door for Cordelia. Once the door was cracked open I went back to my bed and lied back down my back facing the wall. I watched her walk over to my bed slowly before sitting down next to me.
"Your eyes are all puffy. Have you been taking your allergy medicine?" She asked as she moved some of my hair out of my face. I shook my head not trusting my own voice at the moment.
"And why not? You know how bad they get this time of year." She asked as she went to rest her hand on my face. I gently moved my head away knowing that if she touched me she would see what I've going through the last few days.
"I guess I forgot." I said in a broken voice. I quickly cleared my voice afterwards and looked away from her so she wouldn't see the tears forming in my eyes for the millionth time today.
"Y/n... what's really going on?" She asked as she placed her hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes as I heard a familiar light gasp.
I sat there silent not sure what she saw or how much she saw. She slowly moved her hand from my shoulder and grabbed my wrist gently before pushing my sleeve up and looking at my arm. I bit my lip ashamed and embarrassed as tears began falling down my face again.
"Sweetheart, look at me." She requested softly but I shook my head and hid my face in my pillow as a sob finally left my body.
I completely broke down, pulling my arm away from her and curling up into a ball. I felt the bed dip down a little more before feeling Cordelia wrap her arms around me and pulling me into her chest.
We laid like this for about 10 minuted before my sobs had turned into quiet sniffles. I opened up and wrapped my arms around Cordelia hiding my face in the crook of her neck so she couldn't see my face.
"Are you ready to talk now?" She asked again this time whilst running her fingers through my hair.
"I guess." My response was muffled due to me not moving my face from its hiding spot.
"How long have you been feeling like this."
"Since last Thursday. It wasn't that bad at first but it's like everything hit me at once. I could feel everything and nothing at the same time." I slightly rambled out.
"Sweetheart you could've came and talked to me about this instead of suffering in silence." She lightly scolded me.
"I was waiting for it to pass. It always passes but I don't think this one will. I just.... I don't wanna do this anymore Delia. I really don't." My voice broke towards the end of my statement causing me to bury my face deeper into the nook between her neck and her arm. Tears started falling again as an overwhelming weight dropped on me for what seemed like the millionth time.
"You don't have to do this alone Y/n. I'm here for you. I'm a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. I know it may not mean much but I will do anything for you just so you can feel better, feel loved." She said whilst sitting up and looking me directly in my eyes.
My bottom lip trembled slightly as more tears cascaded down my face. I reached out for her and clung to her like a newborn child releasing what would be the last of my tears. Once I was done she reached on my bedside table and whipped my eyes and my nose.
"I think I know just the thing to cheer you up." She said with a slight smile.
She got up from the bed leaving me by myself. I slightly whined as I sat up and watched her walk to my closet flicking the light on.
"What are you doing?" I asked tilting my head in slight exhaustion.
"Packing you some clothes. We're going on a vacation." She said as she walked out with my suitcase and a few shirts in her hands.
"What? Where?"
"Anywhere you wanna go." She said as she folded my clothes placing them in the suitcase. She paused and looked up at me before asking me where I wanted to go.
"It doesn't matter because I'll be with you."
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word count: 1011
|| Fluffy esk ending. This is all over the place as usual but i wrote this cause im depressed and this is the only way i can express that without anger. So yeah yall are stuck with this garbage. ||
