tw// mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, eating disorders, insomnia and drug use.
|| Once again this is just me spewing how I feel into a oneshot so enjoy my trauma I guess lmfao.||
Tick. Tick. Tick.
The clock on the kitchen wall sounded like a time bomb in my ears. My sleep deprived mind was too far gone to even realize Wilhemina had sat down next to me. She gently laid her hand on my shoulder causing me to jump in surprise and look over at her.
"Sorry. I didn't even realize you had sat down." I spoke tiredly. I gave her a pitiful smile before trying and failing to stifle a yawn.
"What time did you go to bed last night Y/n?" She asked as she removed her hand from my shoulder. She pushed a cup of hot coffee towards me which I gladly accepted and almost immediately drank.
"I didn't go to sleep at all. You know how I get." I sighed.
"So how long have you been up?" She inquired whilst gentle tapping her cane on the floor.
"2 days maybe. I've dozed off a few times but not enough to actually get some rest."
"When was the last time you ate?"
I froze as I thought about what she asked me. I sighed lightly as I began to go over my days in my head to try and recall when I last had a full meal.
"What's today?"
"It's Thursday." She started tapping her fingers against the top of her cane; a symbol that she was worried as well as upset.
"The last full meal I had was a week ago then."
"Y/n... You can't keep doing this to yourself." She placed her hand on my chin and made me look up at her. I looked into her eyes and saw that they were glossed over with unshed tired and full of concern.
"I know and I'm trying. It's just been hard these past few weeks. In due time I'll be back to normal, I promise." I moved her hand from my chin and held it in mine. I lifted her hand up to my mouth and placed a kiss in the back of it before giving her another small smile.
"Now go to work, I'll see you when you get home."
~~~~~~~
I stared at my ceiling as my thoughts overtook my senses.
"Just kill yourself."
"She won't even care."
"You're doing everyone a favor."
"Just do it!!"
I shot up from the bed gasping for air. After I had calmed down I got off of the bed I knelt down next to the side of it and grabbed a small little black box from underneath it. I grabbed my phone whilst tucking the box under my arm before heading downstairs and outside to the front porch. I sat down in one of the chairs and set the box in my lap before opening it. Once it was open the strong smell of weed hit my nostrils and I sighed in relief. I took out my bong as well as a bag of weed and a lighter. I quickly packed the bowl with some weed and brought the bong up to my mouth. I struck my lighter and inhaled as the weed began to burn. My lungs and throat started to burn making my choke a little bit as I held in the smoke. I moved the bong back and slowly blew the smoke from my nose.
I repeated those actions about 3 or 4 times before I felt at ease. I emptied out the bowl and packed it again taking a few more hits before putting everything back in the box. I sat outside for a while longer before grabbing my things and going back inside. I put my box back in its place before venturing to the kitchen for snacks. I grabbed a bag of chips and sat on the floor in front of the sink before opening and eating them.
And that's where Wilhemina found me when she came home not even thirty minutes later. I was too out of it to hear her heels or cane against our hardwood floors. I hadn't noticed her return until she was standing in front of me. I froze briefly before looking up at her with hazey eyes and a lopsided smile.
"Heyy. Back from work already?" I asked her before shoving some more chips in my mouth.
" Yes. I left early to see if you had been taking care of yourself." She slightly frowned at the state I was in before questioning me.
"Are you high?" She lightly tapped her cane against the floor as she waited for my answer.
I nodded as I finished eating my chips. "Yeah. I was feeling a little anxious so I smoked two bowls. It made me a little hungry so we can eat together if you want." I said as I got off the floor. I dusted the back of my pants off before standing on my toes placing a kiss on Wilhemina's cheek.
"Have you gone to sleep yet." She asked as she waked towards the table. She pulled a chair out and slowly sat down before crossing her legs.
"I'm not feeling that tired right now. But I'll definitely try to get some sleep." I walked over to the trash can and threw away my bag before turning around and looking at her. I froze in my spot and slowly trailed my eyes down her legs whilst biting the inside of my cheek. She noticed my gaze and smirking while uncrossing her legs and recrossing her legs.
"Unless you wanna tire me out right now?" I said as I slowly brought my eyes back up to hers.
"Let's eat first. Then we'll worry about tiring you out." She said with a wink.
"Fine with me."
~~~~~~~~
word count: 972
